We have now given formal notice of our intentions, resisted the temptation to make hilarious jokes when asked if we’re related and been given the nod to go ahead. What a relief.
And this all happened because we were told that it was imperative that we made an appointment to give notice of marriage precisely 11 months before we got married, otherwise the whole thing would have to be called off. Game over. Wedding cancelled.
But fortunately we did remember to do it in time. Although when I say ‘we’ I mean I. I remembered to do it in time. Because if it had been left him we would be up the proverbial creek with only the bill for a wedding we couldn’t have for a paddle.
In every relationship one person must be in charge of the calendar. Somebody needs to know what is going on and, most importantly, when. Needless to say, in our house, that person is me.
Our set up is the reason why people joke that when men get married, they have to ask permission to go out. Whilst he can of course do whatever he pleases, my role as Diary Co-ordinator within our relationship means that technically he does have to ask me if he can go out on a suggested day, simply because he has no memory of pre-agreed arrangements.
Now, why is this? Am I saying that I am marrying a man who cannot remember what he is doing tomorrow, let alone next month? Well, yes I suppose I am, but the reason why he doesn’t remember is because I have made it so that he no longer has to. This is, in fact, all my fault.
We all have our roles to play. The cook, the organiser, the one in charge of getting stuff down from high up places. And, over time, we get so used to the other person doing these things for us that we relinquish all responsibility.
And there are benefits to this. Team building experts will no doubt tell you that people perform best when they can play to their strengths. I bring the diary, the spreadsheets and the jotter pad, and he brings height and expertise in making our food shopping fit into the cupboards. Morale is high.
But whilst this is fine up to a point, what do you do when the other person isn’t there? If he goes away for the weekend and I want to wear the boots that live on top of the highest shelf in our house, do I just sit and wait for him to come home before I leave the house? What if he is invited to another event whilst away but doesn’t have the calendar, or more importantly, my brain and knowledge of all our upcoming activities with him to consult?
And so, with this in mind, I tried a new tactic to pass some of the calendar management responsibilities over. I started inviting the gentleman in question to upcoming events via the wonders of the Outlook calendar. A brief description of each rendez-vous pops up in his inbox, allowing him to decide for himself if he wants to do what I’ve got planned and keep a personal record of future events. What could go wrong?
But then, just when I thought I’d nailed it, he told me: “Yeah, I don’t actually look at the date all those things are happening, I just say yes to everything and I can check if I can actually come later on. I presume you know I’m free anyway.”
I can only do so much.
Thankfully, our set up has not actually done us any harm so far. The only time I worry is when it comes to crucial occasions we need to go to separately, where he is entirely responsible for getting himself there on the right day, at the right time, without his female walking talking calendar to remind him… like our wedding day, for example.
As much as I would like to believe this date is engraved on his heart, until I see him at the civil ceremony equivalent of the altar (is it just a table?) I won’t believe that he’ll remember to show up.
I’ve checked our wedding insurance and ‘Groom forgetting to consult calendar’ is definitely not covered.