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8 thoughts it’s totally normal to have when you’re pregnant (I hope)

03/09/2017 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

8 thoughts it's totally normal to have whilst pregnant (I hope)“Oh my goodness, WHAT HAVE WE DONE”

There isn’t a bone in my body that isn’t happy that I’m pregnant (except perhaps the ones in my poor, squashed pelvis). But that doesn’t stop me feeling a bit panicked about the effect this decision will have on our life. So many of the things we can currently just do – go for dinner, bugger off on holiday, dance into the night at 28 weddings a year – are going to be either off the table or a much more complex process.

Parenthood will undoubtedly bring a world of joy and discovery like we’ve never known before too, and I can’t wait. But you’re still allowed to have moments to think “WOAH WE DID NOT FULL CONSIDER THE IMPACT THIS WOULD HAVE ON OUR KNOWLEDGE OF COOL EATERIES,” too, I feel.

“It would be great if I could just not be pregnant for this hour/day/moment”

I am incredibly happy to be pregnant and grateful for the opportunity to have a child. That being said, the total takeover of your body is no small deal. Heartburn is a daily occurrence. My back hates me. My lower regions sometimes feel like they’re all just going to fall out. So it’s a bit tough and therefore inevitable that every now and then you wish you could have a brief break. That you had the option to pop your tummy and the baby down somewhere safe while you do the big shop or mop the floor without getting puffed out.

It’s worth every second of discomfort, of course, but it’s also OK to wish for the occasional bit of time off.

“What if my child thinks I’m a loser?”

I’m not scared that my baby won’t think I’m cool, I know they won’t think I’m cool. That’s the deal when you’re a parent, as I understand it. I just keep wondering what they’ll think about what I’ve done with my life. I have a terrifying vision of them being asked what their mother does and them saying “Well, she dicks about on the internet and talks a lot about writing, but I’m not sure if she’s really ever done anything.”

Every milestone makes us feel the need to assess whether we’ve lived a worthwhile life, so I guess it’s inevitable that pregnancy would do the same thing.

“But… we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing”

We didn’t have to take an exam to establish our abilities to look after another human being. We were free to get pregnant and then deal with the consequences. And it dawns on me a good few times a day – particularly at night when I’m definitely at my most rational – that we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing. If parenting was just cuddles and saying “HELLO SAUSAGE!” into a baby’s face every few minutes, we’d have it nailed, but I hear there’s more to it than that.

Everybody I’ve spoken to about this says that everyone feels the same way, which is reassuring. Perhaps if every parent wore a badge that said “I am making all of this up as I go along” we’d all feel better.

8 thoughts it's totally normal to have when you're pregnant (I hope)“If I’m not careful, one of these days I’m just going to wet myself”

Our baby can now put more pressure on my bladder than I’m comfortable with. With one kick or punch, they’re able to test my pelvic floor more than any yoga or pilates class ever could. He or she enjoys challenging me at the most inconvenient times – in the middle of wedding ceremonies, in meetings, during my commute. I’ve managed to stay on top of it so far, but the risk of a sudden damp incident has never been so real.

“Perhaps it won’t hurt that much after all?”

At prenatal yoga, the teacher gets us into positions that’ll be particularly ‘helpful’ when giving birth. The problem is, I’m in such denial about ever having to give birth that I tell myself this doesn’t really apply to me. I know the baby’s in there – the sight of my slowly expanding stomach is a handy reminder – but their exit isn’t something I’ve faced up to yet.

I think it’s human nature when faced with a major feat to either catastrophise or naively assume it’ll be OK. And although I do not believe for a second that it’ll be anything other than the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, I can’t face that thought yet. Not properly. So, to help protect me from the truth, my brain keeps suggesting that maybe it’ll be all right. You know, not as bad as EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THE WORLD says.

Could happen, guys. Could happen.

“Life would be so much easier if it was socially acceptable to just make whatever noise you need to, when you need to”

I can no longer put on shoes, sit in a chair, get out of bed, or lift anything whatsoever without groaning. My chest and throat are home to such levels of acid reflux that I could burp or hiccup or both at any moment. And what pregnancy does to an already fragile digestive system, well, let’s just say, it doesn’t make it more predictable.

So, for those of us juggling a world of unexpected occurrences within our bodies, life would be a lot simpler if we could just let all the sounds happen, without fear of funny looks/social exclusion. But alas, we do not live in such a society, so I save as many groans and throat-based surprises as I can for the comfort of my own home.

“I just don’t want to let anybody down”

Although you know you’re not doing it on your own, there’s no denying that physically being pregnant is very much a one person job. So it’s normal to feel the weight of that responsibility. And with that comes a fear that you’re somehow going to ‘do it wrong’ or let people down.

There’s only so much you can control, of course. You can look after yourself, read all the advice, and ask for help when you need it. But you’re just going to have to take it day by day and expect the unexpected.

Nonetheless, it’s only normal to be afraid and it’s healthy to admit how you feel. Acknowledging that something this life changing puts as much pressure on your mind as it does your womb can only help to make us all feel less alone.

Posted in: On pregnancy Tagged: anxiety, being a woman, having a baby, honesty, life advice, motherhood, parenting, pregnancy, thoughts, worries

WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?

09/07/2015 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

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When I was younger, all I thought about was the boys I fancied.

You know what it’s like when you’re young, there really isn’t all that much to think about. It’s that, what’s on TV, or which one of your friends you’ve fallen out with today (and trying desperately hard to remember why – was it because they wrote ‘Charlotte loves Maths’ on your pencil case – when they KNOW English is your jam – or because they took three crisps from your bag when you specifically said they could only have one).

I think I believed that if I thought about boys enough they would just magically fall in love with me (I can’t even blame Disney movies for it. I made that up all on my own). But – and spoiler for any young’uns reading – that doesn’t work at all.

But now that I’m older (I’ll be 30 on Saturday, in case you missed my telegram), and as the sense of urgency to do the right thing with my life grows at a rate so fast I wonder if I have time to sleep any more, my mind is focused on other things, like:

How I can get more time into my life to do the things I want to do? How can I make the days longer, or change the week altogether so that more of it belongs to me? What time does a person need to get up to truly fulfil themselves – is it 5am? 6am? But what if you’re not a morning person, by which I mean, inherently lazy until at least 10am?

How I can get more inspiration into my head? Over the last few months I have devoured books written by female comedy writers like I would previously consume marshmallows (although in the ideal scenario I would do both at once). And I can’t get enough of them. Tina Fey’s book Bossypants made me so happy that I never wanted my commute to end when I was reading it – and when do you ever hear a Londoner say that? I want to do things that make me think – talks, workshops, classes – to find endless things to write about, and to consume all the books that make me say YES I AM GOING TO LEARN FROM YOU (and ideally laugh at lots too and make people on the tube think I am a weirdo).

How I can do it all without burning out? Getting so tired that I feel sick has become a regular part of my life. I’d say about once every fortnight I have to send myself to bed like one might a five year old because I’ve become overtired and unreasonable. We have to build relaxation time in don’t we, but that should happen before we’ve got to the point where we think we might punch somebody just because they’ve asked if they can borrow our pen. I recently discovered the incredible power of having a bath and listening to Desert Island Discs, which I intend to do more of and strongly recommend. It’s like medicine but with added David Attenborough or Steve Coogan or Dawn French. I think I even prefer it to Calpol.

And how do you do all this whilst remaining a good friend, wife, daughter, sister, niece, mama to your pets? Because that sh*t MATTERS. There are people to see, lives to catch up on, and food to be consumed in the presence of others. And I want to do all of the things, achieve all of the stuff, whilst doing the most important thing of all which is just being a part of people’s lives, chatting it all out, and laughing or crying until we’re spent. Because what is the point of doing anything unless you have good relationships in your life? I mean, really?

It’s amazing how your brain and your focus changes.

Sometimes I wonder how we ever managed to fill our minds up before we became so grown up and serious. But of course we did – Neighbours was on, Monster Munch were delicious (I mean, they still are) and how on earth we were supposed to live this life alongside other people was something we were just beginning to understand – one tear shed over ill-advised stationery graffiti at a time.

So tell me, where’s YOUR head at?

Posted in: ON FRIENDSHIP, ON RELATIONSHIPS Tagged: age, focus, growing up, priorities, thoughts, turning 30, what you think about

HELLO, I’M CHARLOTTE

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Welcome to Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte. This blog is full of honest words about parenting, relationships, confidence and friendship. I'm here to help us all feel less alone and to make you laugh when I can, too. Want to hire me to write for you or just fancy a chat? Get in touch: nothinggoodrhymeswithcharlotte@gmail.com

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