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Slipping through my fingers

06/07/2022 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

Is it normal to kiss your maternity bras goodbye? Because I did.

I’m no longer wearing maternity clothes, I haven’t for months. But I kept them in the drawer anyway. Because if I let them go, I’d be making a statement I wasn’t ready to make. That the pregnancy/tiny baby phase of my life is over.

But I put them in a bag this week to take to the charity shop. It hurt but it was time to say goodbye and move to the next chapter.

And that chapter sees our son turning one, and then starting nursery three days a week so that I can go back to work. And in a matter of weeks, our daughter will be starting school too. No wonder I’m a bit emotional at the moment.

When I started maternity leave a year ago, it felt like I had infinite time ahead. But it’s slipped through my fingers, just like it always does. We only brought that little baby home from the hospital a few days ago, I’m sure of it. And yet somehow he’s about to have a birthday.

So much about the past 12 months has been different from my first maternity leave. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been easier. I’ve felt more able to enjoy the smallness and cuteness of him, rather than worrying that I’m doing everything wrong. I realise now that I wasn’t bad at it the first time, just inexperienced. It’s been nice to rewrite that story in my head.

Just as my first maternity leave revolved around our daughter, my second one has mainly revolved around her too. Nobody really warns you about that.

Sure, you have to feed the new baby multiple times, change them and keep them safe and happy. But in many ways that feels like a side hustle. Managing the contentment, snack consumption and social life of our four year old has still dominated most of my time and brain space. First children are clever like that.

I’ve definitely felt much more at peace with myself this maternity leave than I did the first time. I haven’t felt desperate for company and activities like I did before. I don’t feel phased by a quiet day at home. I’m so busy that I really don’t need much more in my life. It’s definitely overwhelming, but I like it too.

A woman walked past us in the park the other day and said “You don’t realise it at the time, but days taking children to the park are some of the best of your life.”

I keep thinking about that. I can see myself looking back on this period of our lives and wanting to do it all again. Yes, I am tired all the time, but the second the chaos stops, I’ll miss it.

That sense of nostalgia kicked in almost immediately after our son was born. Knowing how insanely quickly the time passes made me determined to savour his early stages. They don’t stay little for long.

And now after so much precious time together, this next chapter will see us all spending a bit more time apart. It will take a while to adjust to I’m sure. There are things I’m looking forward to, and things I’m worried about.

I’ve learnt that it is entirely normal to think and feel a multitude of things at once when you’re a parent. For example:

I can want to go back to work, and also feel sick about being away from our son.

I can foresee the benefits of time to myself, and feel guilty about having it.

I can imagine our son enjoying time with other children and teachers. I can also find it unbearable to imagine him wanting me when I’m not there.

I can believe our daughter will enjoy primary school. I can also feel panicked at the prospect of her having anything other than a good time.

My son isn’t the only one celebrating a birthday this week, I am too. I’m turning 37, which my daughter assures me is “really old”.

The older you get, the less anyone – including you – really cares that it’s your birthday. And now that I have a son with a birthday so close to mine, this time will be all about him, and that’s fine with me. He’s the best present I’ve ever had anyway.

As a small gift to myself, I like to take a moment to write down what I’ve taken from the last year. And what I want to bring with me into the next.

This has been the most hectic year of my life. We moved to a different part of London. We took on a house requiring way more work than either of us realised when we looked around it for 10 minutes during the thick of the pandemic. We moved our brilliant, brave daughter to a new nursery. Oh and we had a baby five weeks after we moved in.

It has been exhausting, overwhelming, and a constant rollercoaster. It’s also been one of the best years of my life.

So what I want to take with me into my 38th year is a reminder to keep appreciating when I feel lucky. To acknowledge happiness when it’s happening. Because time is going to absolutely fly by anyway. And hard things will happen. So when it’s good, I want to stop and notice.

I guess that’s why I felt the need to give my maternity bras a little kiss on their way to the charity shop. It’s been quite the year and I’m grateful to everything and everyone that’s been a part of it.

So now, onto the next one. And I can’t deny that it’s rather nice to have underwire back in my life to help me through it. With this much going on, I’m going to need all the support I can get.

Posted in: On parenting, On pregnancy Tagged: having a baby, having a daughter, having a son, honest motherhood, maternity leave, motherhood, parenting

HELLO, I’M CHARLOTTE

About me

Welcome to Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte. This blog is full of honest words about parenting, relationships, confidence and friendship. I'm here to help us all feel less alone and to make you laugh when I can, too. Want to hire me to write for you or just fancy a chat? Get in touch: nothinggoodrhymeswithcharlotte@gmail.com

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I just took my child to Clarks to buy her first pa I just took my child to Clarks to buy her first pair of school shoes. I am officially a grown up.
It's happened. We've reached the stage where I can It's happened. We've reached the stage where I can take Isla to a cafรฉ and she'll do some drawing while I do some writing. Only a little bit of course and with plenty of breaks for me to attempt to sketch unicorns (which to be clear I very much enjoyed) but it's a start. How nice to suddenly find ourselves here. โค๏ธ
All of a sudden our Joe-Joe is 1 ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’– All of a sudden our Joe-Joe is 1 ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿ’–
I took this picture to remind me of what's been on I took this picture to remind me of what's been one of my absolute favourite parts of maternity leave, with both babies - killing time in the late afternoon watching episodes of Friends I've seen 4 billion times. โค๏ธ

I'm experiencing all of the feelings at the moment because maternity leave is coming to an end for me very soon and Joseph is about to turn 1. I've attempted to process all this by writing what is essentially a diary entry about it. You can read it at nothinggoodrhymeswithcharlotte.com

Any tips/(kind) views/words of wisdom/large tubs of biscuits very welcome. 

Much love ๐Ÿ’›
First holiday joy ๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ First holiday joy ๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ
โค๏ธ โค๏ธ
Back together for the first time in forever โค๏ธ Back together for the first time in forever โค๏ธ
Thank you Margate ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’– Thank you Margate ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’–
I had an idea a few months ago to write something I had an idea a few months ago to write something about all the thoughts and feelings I have about having two children. Like a diary entry I can look back on and even show Isla and Joseph in years to come. Of course the main thing to say is: You don't get a lot of free time when you have two small people to look after. So it's taken me a while to get this done. But now that I have my sense of achievement is HIGH  so I'm here to share it. You can read it if you wish at nothinggoodrhymeswithcharlotte.com
Much love x

#parenting #motheroftwo #sundayblog #maternityleave #amwriting
Greenwich girls, guys, good times ๐Ÿ’™ Greenwich girls, guys, good times ๐Ÿ’™
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