conversation Archives - Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte

School friends: The ones that didn’t get away

30/11/2014 by Charlotte 2 Comments

No-one is better at keeping you grounded than your school friends.

There aren’t many people who will take one look at your passport photograph and say: “No offence, but you look like a smackhead” or who will stand and laugh hard in your face whilst recounting (for the 58th time) the time you drank nine happy hour cocktails and danced alone on stage to The Jackson 5. (In my defence, it was my birthday and I looked excellent). But this is all in a day’s work for a friend who has known you since you were 13 and prided yourself on being able to recite every single word to Boyzone’s Love Me For A Reason (I can also do the official dance moves, if you’re interested).

It isn’t possible to keep hold of all your friends when you leave school, what with university and jobs and having to take charge of the weekly shop, so the ones you do manage to keep are all the more special. They’re the friends who have known you the longest, who have seen you through every bad haircut, fashion faux pas and unfortunate crush and, if you’re lucky, they’ll only mention each of them three or four times every time you see them. They’re kind like that.

All of a sudden your friendship shifts to suit your new adult lives. You’re no longer in the market for lunch break one-upmanship about who’s doing best in maths or getting off with who or how very dare she buy the same hot pants as you. Now we’re talking jobs and careers and – BLIMEY – marriage and babies, but we still throw in the odd anecdote from our younger days to stop us taking ourselves too seriously. (The one about the time I over-gesticulated and hurled my bracelet into the face of a stranger is one of my favourites, though I still don’t think she’d find it funny.)

These meet-ups are evidence that a joke can indeed remain funny forever. I have one friend with whom I have never managed to get through a drink or a meal without mentioning the time we went to see Shrek at the cinema and an unknown boy burped SO loud in my face that she and I were left helpless with laughter. I’m 29 now and it remains one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me, partly because surprise, aggressive burping is always amusing, but also because that moment really summed up my relationship with boys at that time – embarrassing, undignified, and often just a lot of hot air.

But aside from all the giggles and nostalgic chit chat about school trips and hair mascara and the time I thought blue and yellow braces would look good on my teeth (they didn’t), there’s also a lot of genuine love between us too. We’ve had the privilege of watching each other grow up, and take quiet pride in seeing one another slowly managing to get to where we want to be. I hope we never stop meeting and drinking and laughing, and I hope the stories never stop – yes, even the one about my ill-advised fuchsia pink pedal pusher phase – because they remind us of just how far we’ve come.

And if perhaps one of them would be so kind as to remind me of the above mentioned, nine cocktails/solo dancing story in time for my 30th birthday next year I’d really appreciate it. With my low capacity for alcohol these days, I’m more likely to pass out on the stage than dance on it, and I’m sure that, if that does happen, this lot are never going to let me hear the end of it.

The top 7 things I learnt at Blogcademy

21/07/2014 by Charlotte 6 Comments

I spent this weekend in Shoreditch. There’s a sentence I haven’t written before.

Yes, I left the house and the sofa and the lure of the Coronation Street omnibus (which I am very much looking forward to devouring later) to head out to blog school – AKA The Blogcademy – to learn how to make this little website of mine better.

I started this blog because I wanted somewhere to write and be creative (and to make fun of my other half for being DREADFUL at basic domestic duties. It’s a wonder it hasn’t torn us apart, to be honest). And now that it’s been going for a while and I’ve figured out how I like to write and that there are even some people out there who want to read it, it’s time to turn it into a more coherent, focused blog, rather than just a place where I come to have thoughts. I’ve basically been treating it like the bath until now.

So I went along to hang out with 40 or so fellow bloggers and to learn from the very impressive Shauna Haider, Kat Williams (of Rock n Roll Bride fame), and Gala Darling – team Blogcademy (pictured below with me. Like my ears?)

Charlotte-Buxton-Blogcademy-Kat-Williams-Gala-Darling-Shauna-Haider

And I learnt a lot; I mean A LOT. My hand hurts from writing so many notes, my brain hurts from spending two whole days paying attention, and my stomach hurts in advance of all the chocolate I’m inevitably going to eat whilst trying to get my blog up to scratch.

I could write a post 100 points long to share all the tips I picked up, but that would go against everything we learnt about the importance of being interesting and succinct. So instead I’ll just share the top seven things I’ve taken away from the weekend – and then I’ll have no excuse not to get cracking with putting it all in place…

1. Define your blog’s purpose.
This is something I have been dodging for a long time. If you’ve ever had a conversation with me about what this blog is about you’ll know that I am unable to express it quickly, if at all – or certainly not without flapping my arms a lot and saying “Well, it’s sort of meant to be funny – HAHAHA” in the hope that you’ll change the subject. This needs to change. When I actually sat down and thought about it (and strapped my arms to my sides to prevent the inevitable flapping) I decided that overall this blog is probably about relationships, what they realistically entail and laughing at and celebrating the mundane. As much as it might seem like it’s just about me taking every opportunity possible to mention how much I like Pringles, there is more to it than that, I promise.

2. Always write with a very specific reader in mind.
Of course! It’s so obvious! But how many of us actually do it? Not me. One of the most useful things Kat said is that your ideal reader might be you five years ago – i.e. somebody who can learn from you. In my case, five years ago, my husband and I had just moved in together and were learning how to cope with our differing habits (mine: complaining when the bin hasn’t been taken out; his: relentlessly failing to take the bin out). That girl might have liked what I write. Having said that, I know that a lot of the people who read this are either at similar stages in life to me or a little further on so perhaps it’s one of them I should keep in mind. My mum is also a big fan but there’s a chance she’s a little biased (not towards me, just towards the posts that mention her.) Either way, I think some market research is in order.

Drawings by the amazing @charlotteart (P.S I WANT those knickers)

3. People are interested in what you can do for them. Be helpful.
I’m sure you will agree I am currently nailing this one, sharing all my new found wisdom like this. But again – of course! This makes total sense, particularly when I think about my own posts which have been most popular. Relationships: Six ways to help keep things interesting remains my most read, shared and liked post of all time. And I think it might be because it was in some way useful; if only to remind people that there is somebody else out there who believes that Boots Advantage Card points are a reasonable topic of conversation. This has made me think a lot too about what we really mean by ‘helpful’. You don’t necessarily have to teach somebody something really profound (though I think you’ll agree my suggestion about serving snacks in nice bowls was pretty out there), you can just write something which people can relate to; that enables them to see a side of themselves represented. In short, I will admit that people leaving lights switched on in rooms they’re not in is annoying, so you don’t have to.

4. Come up with some regular features.
You have probably noticed that I blog once a week. This has kept me going until now but I need to do more. And the way to do this, I now know, is to come up with some regular features I can share on other days of the week. I’m not quite sure what they’re going to be yet (Marshmallow Monday sounds cool but what would it really be about?) but I think they’re an ace idea so I am going to give it a go. Perhaps an interview with other couples to see what their lives together are really like, or an attempt at a funny take on those often ridiculous relationship Q&As you get in newspapers? I think I could have quite a lot of fun with that.

5. Your blog is your brand. Like it or not.
Whether I am really planning for this blog to make me money I don’t know but this weekend taught me that either way, I need to treat it like a business with its own brand that readers immediately recognise. Sure, you might know what my face looks like thanks to the giant picture of it at the top of the page but that’s not really branding, more narcissism. So I need to do some work. And I find this part the most intimidating because I am not a designer and certainly not good at building websites (this current format took me a full day and LOTS of shouting to get in place). I need to change platform and I am also considering changing the name so that people can tell sooner what this whole thing is about. I love Nothing Good Rhymes with Charlotte but what does it tell you? (other than that I’m clearly hilarious). This is probably the hardest part so I will not be rushing into anything. And anyway, won’t I miss having EVERY person who reads this remind me that Scarlett rhymes with Charlotte? Actually, now I come to mention it, no I won’t.

6. Be organised.
It is so nice but so daunting to come away from an event with a to-do list the length of your house. But this is of course what you want from a course you’ve paid money for. So now I need to get on with it. I’m going to write down my goals, make a plan and get my sh*t together. I’m even going to tidy my desk to help make this happen. If you’ve seen my desk (or Post We Haven’t Bothered To Open In Two Years Mountain, as I like to call it) you’ll know this was no small task.

7. Ask people what they think.
Unsurprisingly the people who know that they like to read are your readers – DUH. And it’s time I started asking some questions – about the blog’s name, about the things I write that they like, that they don’t like, about whether it’s actually just me that finds jokes about bins funny… A little market research will do me and this the world of good. In fact, why not start now – if you have thoughts on what is good/great/bad/missing from/outrageously offensive about this blog, please tell me. Leave a comment, send me a tweet, leave a Facebook comment, come round to my house, sit me down and tell me how it is… whichever way you like, I would love to hear from you and to use what you think to help make this better. Just remember that if you do decide to come over, you need to bring some crisps. I’ve got some very fancy bowls I’d love you to see.

Thank you to team Blogcademy for a great weekend and to all the lovely blogger chums I met across the two days. I most definitely feel that I got SCHOOLED. Now the hard work really begins…

That moment when you realise you sound exactly like your mum

19/01/2014 by Charlotte 2 Comments

With every day that passes, I become more and more like my mum.

First there was the discovery that wearing tights under jeans really does make winter more bearable, then the moment I became incapable of sitting through a film without falling asleep, and then, more recently, the realisation that true happiness isn’t a beach in the Bahamas or a lottery win, but 30 minutes alone at a Marks and Spencer Final Reductions sale.

And now I’ve started talking like her too. All those things she used to say to me when I was younger – those stock phrases that all parents presumably download at antenatal classes – have started slipping into my vocabulary. But I don’t have children; so I just say them to my husband instead.

Of course there are some that just don’t apply to him, such as:

“You need to have an early night tonight, young lady – you are overtired!” (To which I would shout “NO I’M NOT!” because exhaustion makes me argumentative.)

“If you think you’re going out in THAT skirt without tights on, you’ve got another thing coming. Do you want to get piles?!”

“Charlotte – STOP listening to Celine Dion and GO TO SLEEP.”

But there are plenty of others that, with a few small edits, can be very useful in every day married life:

“I’m not angry that you lost the third brand new lunchbox I’ve bought you in a month, I’m disappointed.”

“Don’t forget your scarf/coat/gloves/shoes when you go out this morning – it is seriously nippy out there!”

“Now then, do our socks really live down the side of the bed? Hmmm?”

“That’s funny, I see you’re sat here in the lounge and yet the light left on in the bedroom would suggest that you’re up there – how can that be?”

I’ve chosen to think of this development as evidence that my maternal instincts are starting to kick in, rather than that I am the most patronising woman in the world.

My sentiments are good. I want us to have a tidy home, for us to be warm and well-fed and for us not to wind up bankrupt as a result of too much Tupperware shopping. He does too; he just doesn’t feel the need to mention it quite so frequently.

It’s an odd feeling when you realise that your other half has joined the small group of people for whom you would run through fire, fight a bear or wear an extremely itchy jumper for a whole week to keep safe. You just want to care for them and, seeing as our parents are generally the people from whom we learn how to look after one another, it’s inevitable that we eventually start taking on their traits.

Of course, you can take it too far. It’s important not to make him start seeing commuting face-to-armpit with strangers as an enjoyable escape from my constant chatter about the location of his socks or the cost of
electricity. A balance must be struck.

Now I just wonder which element of my mum’s personality I will take on next. Will it be her ability to send a text message without using a single vowel, her addiction to old, harrowing episodes of Trial and Retribution, or her remarkable chocolate cupcake baking skills?

The latter would certainly make me a lot more popular at home.