cinema

I had never seen a Star Wars film before. These were my thoughts during The Force Awakens:

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Star Tours - Disneyland Tokyo1. I am going to read every word as it flies towards me during this intro. That is the least I can do.

2. This is actually so much easier than reading text going straight down a page. These guys clearly know what they’re doing; I am optimistic about the rest of the film.

3. Is the guy from Inside Llewyn Davis Luke Skywalker? If he is, I’ve found him.

4. I really like the Storm Troopers’ outfits. They look so smooth. I’d really like to clean one.

5. Is that Darth Vader? I don’t think so but he does look a lot like him. He just doesn’t sound as ‘I’m breathing underwater whilst wearing a snorkel’ as I think he should…

6. Everything about this desert makes me feel stressed. Where are we going for supplies here? The odds of there being a Starbucks feel very low.

7. Oh no, Finn, that does not look like drinking water. If you manage to get through this without a stomach upset then you have much stronger insides than I do.

8. I like this little beepy football with a head, he seems friendly.

9. Looking at the food on offer, I reckon it would be hard to live on Jakku with a wheat intolerance.

10. I also really like the way the Storm Troopers sound when they run. Like it’s a brand new floor beneath them. (Note to self: They’re baddies. I don’t think I’m meant to like them at all).

11. I like this girl, she doesn’t put up with sexism in the workplace.

12. Also, is she spelling Ray like Charles or Rey like Lane Del? I need to google this.

13. Only in a film would a person (Han Solo) stop mid-crossfire to comment that he is enjoying using this particular gun. We’ll talk about it later, Han!

14. I’m laughing at a joke in a Star Wars film! (BB8’s flame thumbs up). I didn’t think there would be jokes!

15. I could go from nought to Chewbacca with just one can of hairspray.

16. If I was Poe, I would want that jacket back. Leather is NOT cheap.

17. Hang on, is that a lightsaber in that box? Where’s the rest of it?

18. Oh no look, he’s definitely not Darth Vader because that’s Darth Vader’s melted mask thing. Well done Charlotte, you’re practically an expert already.

19. Ooh it’s Adam from Girls! He must have been hot in that hat.

20. I did not realise that (Not Darth Vader) had a boss. I thought he was the boss. Perhaps this explains why he’s always so angry.

21. Oh my gosh, you press that little button to turn the lightsaber on! That is so clever.

22. Princess Leia’s hair must take HOURS.

23. I think the golden robot is C-3P0. Or is it SeethreepeeOH?

24. Ooh, they’re doing a lightsaber fight. I wonder if this will give me a headache – strip lights always do.

25. Now that I know that having The Force means that you can tell people what to do, I WANT IT.

GROWING UP AND LEARNING TO LOVE HANGING OUT BY YOURSELF

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IMG_1046Today, for the first time in my life, I went to the cinema by myself.

There was a time when I would have responded to the suggestion that I might go and see a film on my own like I would now if somebody asked me if I’d like to go out on a Monday night – ARE YOU INSANE? ABSOLUTELY NOT! GOOD LORD, DON’T EVEN SUGGEST SUCH MADNESS!

But that time has passed.

And I’ll tell you what, I loved it. (I went to see Suffragette which, if possible, seemed all the more powerful because I was alone. I cried and cried and wanted so hard to go back in time and say THANK YOU).

I think it’s a sign of age when you start really enjoying hanging out by yourself.

When I was younger, the pure idea of doing anything on my own was just too much to bear. I was so self-conscious growing up that I felt like I needed other people around me at all times just to justify my existence. Whereas now, not so much.

I always used to be late when going to meet my friends – partly because I’m a disorganised mess who decides to start straightening her hair at the time when she should be leaving the house – and partly because I never wanted to be left sat or standing there, just waiting. What would all the strangers around me think? I’d be a laughing stock, surely.

But then I decided to cut that out. I realised it’s not cool to be late (just do your hair earlier, yo) and that I really don’t care if I have to wait by myself. I’m an adult – extra free time when I can read or write or STARE at the clothes and shoes of strangers (don’t pretend you don’t do it too) is very welcome in my day.

IMG_20150819_175401Because, guess what? Nobody cares (alright possibly re: the staring but just try to keep it more generally-having-a-look-around than super-creepy-weirdo) And if they do, do you? I’ve gradually managed to train myself not to.

In a couple of weeks this apparent newfound confidence is going to be put to the test. My husband is going to Australia for work and I’m taking some time off to go along for the ride because WOULDN’T YOU and will be hanging out by myself in Sydney.

And I must admit that I am a little apprehensive about this. Admittedly this is mainly because Leon is usually in charge of directions when we go away – like all good couples, we play to our strengths: I’m great at sorting out the admin, the dollar, and making sure I’ve got plenty of pants, and he’s good at working out which way we should turn when we get there.

But this time I’m going to be responsible for my pants AND which way I’m pointing. And I’m going to be a one-woman tourist party – seeing the sights, hitting the beach, and hopefully adding ‘turning right when I should have turned left’ to the list of things I’m not ashamed to be seen doing by myself. I’ll let you know how I get on.

A girl travels a long way on the route to turning 30. There are a lot of opportunities during those three decades to learn to like yourself enough not to fear the judgement of every single person who might happen to cross your path. It’s hard to put into practice but I know that, on the occasions when I do manage it, it’s the absolute sh*t.

A solo cinema trip might not sound all that impressive – and it isn’t in the long scheme of things, of course – but it’s always handy to be reminded that you’re no longer the terrified teen you used to be.

And that if you want to go to the cinema, eat some chocolate covered raisins and have a good cry on your own, you should.

Because there’s nothing embarrassing about that.

45 Years, September and Chance

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IMG_4418If you’ve read anything about the film 45 Years, you will know that it is most definitely not a comedy.

Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtenay play a couple called Kate and Geoff Mercer who are preparing for their 45th wedding anniversary party. A week before the event, they find out that the body of Geoff’s first love has been found in the ice of the Swiss Alps, 50 years after she fell there. The film is about the impact that this news and everything that came before has on their marriage.

The film is excellent, I very much recommend it. Though I suggest doing what we did and watching it in the middle of the day when there are many hours left in which to feel happy. Like I said, it’s definitely not Wayne’s World.

I love going to the cinema. I love how a great film can leave you with so many thoughts to mull over, and how somebody else’s creation can reflect things that you think and feel about your own life.

It struck me that, more than anything, this is a film about chance. About people you happen to meet, the relationships you have, and the direction your life goes in as a result.

In a week’s time, aside from being September (hope you’re getting excited about Christmas, chums, because it’s COMING) we reach our second wedding anniversary and in a few more weeks it’ll be TEN YEARS since this little duo of ours got off the ground. A month of Prosecco, cards and Leon saying “I really think one anniversary is more than enough” lies ahead. I can’t wait.

IMG_20150830_203533Like so many things in life – relationships, friendships, chance samplings of a new kind of cheese – we could so easily not have happened. The night we met I really wasn’t in the mood to go out, and even less so to meet some new dude. But I did and now here we are. It’s good to have at least one good decision under your belt to help reduce the volume amongst all the horrendous ones when they wake you in the night to remind you what a dickhead you’re capable of being.

And, as a result of this almost near miss, when we got married eight years later our first dance was to Pulp’s Something Changed. Because besides being what Taylor Swift would call a ‘sick beat’, its lyrics perfectly sum up just how much of life comes down to chance meetings, and how one life-altering encounter can all of a sudden make all the other ifs, buts and maybes pale into insignificance. (And also because Jarvis Cocker is from Sheffield, which is where we met, and my plans are nothing if not neat and tidy.) Strap in.

When we woke up that morning we had no way of knowing

That in a matter of hours we’d change the way we were going

Where would I be now, where would I be now if we’d never met?

Would I be singing this song to someone else instead?

I don’t know but like you just said

Something changed.

That right there was reason #487 for me to cry all the way through our wedding (and any time I’ve listened to it since, to be honest). I think a lot about how different things could have been but then I stop because they’re not, are they? Because something changed. It sounds simple when you write it down. That Jarvis really knows what he’s doing.

It’s amazing where a good film can send your mind. And I know I’m going to be thinking about 45 Years for a long time to come.

About how striking Charlotte Rampling is. About how sad Geoff made me feel. About how much it made me want a car and a dog (I live in London, these aren’t things people just have). About what I’d have done in Kate’s situation – or in Geoff’s – if a previous love suddenly came back to haunt us. And about the huge role that chance continues to play in all our lives.

If you see it, and I very much recommend that you do, I’d be very interested to know what you think.