blogging Archives - Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte

12 lessons I’ve learnt from six years of blogging

06/08/2017 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

I started blogging because I felt like a writer with nowhere to write, so in the absence of a garden big enough for a shed, I built a blog instead.

And six years on, I’m still here. It’s nice having a record of how I’ve grown up, developed my writing, and got my head around various thoughts, feelings and life events.

People sometimes ask me questions about what blogging involves, so I thought I’d share some lessons. If you have more questions after reading this, please do ask them. All (kind) forms of correspondence are always welcome.

1. People are not that nice

If people read what you’ve written it’s because they want to read it. If they don’t want to they won’t. It’s as simple as that. People might give you a supportive click or two at the beginning to help you on your way. But when you’re a few months or years down the line, no matter how close a friend/sister/pet they are, they simply won’t open your blog unless they’re interested. And that’s a good thing. Pity reads are no use to anyone.

2. Most of the time, you simply won’t know what people think

Unless you’re planning to go door to door, asking all your acquaintances if they did or did not click on the link to your latest post about the highs and lows of using a chemical toilet (a real post I remain deeply proud of), you won’t know. You might get a like or a comment from a keen and kind reader but there’s no obligation for people to give you feedback.

And you’re also very unlikely to get personalised notes from everyone who doesn’t fancy reading your stuff. Anybody who does send you such a note needs to reconsider how they use their time. Speaking of which…

3. A few people reeeeally aren’t that nice

As women messing about on the internet go, I’ve been pretty lucky on the troll front. I’ve only ever had two very nasty comments left on this blog. And although I will remember them forever, I think they did me good. Because if you’re going to write on the regular and put it out there for people to read, you need to develop a thick skin. (If only, most of the time, to deal with the deafening silence that can follow once you’ve hit publish.)

You can’t spend your time being worried about what a troll might say. The post that encouraged OUTRAGE from my bridge-dweller was about why I recommend giving your partner a sufficient number of bedroom drawers to store their pants. He/she told me to ‘PLEASE shut my f***ing blog down’. Sorry, friend. No chance. Where else are people to go for such innovative life advice?

4. Only time will teach you what you’ve really got to say

It’s taken me years to develop my writing style and tone. There was no other way to do it than to just get on and DO IT. I’m not claiming to have nailed it, I just know how I like to write now. And I continue to enjoy experimenting with it, pushing the odd boundary, and finding new ways to express myself. Your blog is your house and you have the floor so use it to get it wrong, get it right, and enjoy yourself along the way.

5. Thanks to blogging, I will never be bored

You know when you used to have to fill in the bit on your CV about your hobbies and scrabble around for something to say that wasn’t ‘Watching re-runs of Friends’ and ‘Debating which are the tastiest members of the Percy Pig family’? Well, now I have blogging. Hanging out in my house on my own is never a problem as I can just grab a notebook or my laptop and see what I’ve got to say. What a treat! Or, equally as fun, I can lie around thinking about writing, and then not actually ever get around to it. That’s when you know you’re becoming a true professional…

6. You have more time than you think

People have different views about how frequently you should blog. I think you should do it whenever you can and you want to. Some people run sites which have advertising and content commitments requiring them to post on a particular basis, but the rest of us can do as we please.

For us it’s just about finding time, and what I’ve learnt is that if you want to do it, you will find the hours you need. Sundays are my usual day for writing, but sometimes I do a little on another day, or I have a whole week off, or I’m inspired to write three posts at once. I think it’s best just not to put too much pressure on the whole thing. Your writing will be much better if you’re doing it because you want to.

7.Your blog may not become your job, but it might help you get other ones

I get asked a lot about blogging and money making, and this is what I say: This blog is not my job, it’s my hobby, it’s where I come to be creative, and it’s also where I store my portfolio, which I use to seek paid writing work. Although the blog itself doesn’t generally make me money (I’ve only ever done one sponsored post with a brand that fitted in with my subject matter), it has helped me get other jobs.

In order to make money directly from a blog on a regular basis, you need a clear niche that advertisers/sponsors etc. can support. Only you can know your motivations for running a blog, but it strikes me that the most successful ones – whether in terms of reads or money made – came about because people wanted to speak about a particular subject they’re passionate about, and then the rest followed.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d be delighted to bring home more dollar thanks to this baby, but I don’t ever want to compromise what the site is for. It’s for honest posts and chats about what it is to be human. (So if you’re a brand that’ll let me chat about that in return for some ££ and a mention, give a girl a call!)

8. You don’t have to be a web designer, you just need patience

Building a blog can be as difficult or as simple as you make it. I started out on Google Blogger as it was free and easy to use, and then as I got a bit more serious about it and wanted my own url, I moved over to this self-hosted WordPress site. It’s not fancy and there’s lots more I’d like to do with it, but it will do just fine, and I can change it any time I want to (read: can find the strength).

You just have to decide what you want the site to do, and then to work away at bringing it about. I recommend having a cushion set aside specifically for screaming into whilst you build. Believe me, you’ll need it.

9. You’ll realise there are hundreds of people just like you

Blogging has opened up a whole new world of people and events I never knew I’d enjoy. It made me realise how much I love writing, learning about writing, and meeting people equally excited about all things pen and paper. I’m part of the Mumsnet Bloggers Network and have been to their annual Blogfest three times (my baby is due in November, when Blogfest is usually held, so unless this year’s event is happening in a maternity ward, I’m going to have to give it a miss). And I’ve been to other blogging workshops and talks about creativity that have taught me new things and inspired the sh*t out of me. And I can’t recommend that feeling enough.

10. Other people will do much better at blogging and you won’t know why

Why a blog is or is not popular can sometimes be obvious and can sometimes totally throw you. I find that if I think I’ve written something good, it’ll fall flat as a pancake. And if I struggle through a post and end up publishing just to justify the hours of blood, sweat and tears I’ve put into it – even if I think the entire thing is pointless and so am I – people will like it. So what do I know.

I think what’s most important is just to keep writing what you want to write. Authentic posts are always the best. Any likes and shares and whatnot they score the writer have to just be a bonus.

11. Writing something people relate to is a high like no other

Having said that, there’s no denying the utter joy of penning something other people can relate to. Something that makes them say ‘This is what I’ve been thinking but couldn’t articulate’ or ‘IT’S LIKE YOU’RE IN MY BRAIN’ or ‘Are you actually monitoring my thoughts because this is so in line with them that I’m genuinely FRIGHTENED’. I cannot pretend that such comments do not fill me up because they do.

12. Writing feeds your soul

I’ve written regularly for so long now that if I take too much of a break, I start to feel uncomfortable. It’s become a crucial part of how I figure out what I think about different subjects. Lots of people say it but it’s true – I often don’t really know what I think about something until I start writing about it. It’s the cheapest therapy I’ll ever undertake and I’d hate to be without it.

This game isn’t for everyone. Most people would rather tear their hair out than spend their free hours talking to themselves through a computer screen. But we’re not most people, are we? This blog may not have made me a millionaire or anything close to one, but it has taught me more about myself and the world than I ever could have expected. And for that I will always be grateful.

So here’s to another year of Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte. Knowing how livid this site’s continued existence would make our darling troll makes each anniversary all the more worth celebrating.

If you want to be a writer, guilt is just part of the deal

16/07/2015 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

This post is a shout out, a high five, a hug, to all the writers out there currently feeling guilty about the fact that they are not, at this very moment, writing.

Writing is kind of similar to A-Level revision in that when you’re not doing it, you feel bad about it. You feel like you’re letting yourself down and that you’re definitely going to fail because you’ve dared to stop for half an hour to have a Cornetto or a milkshake or to – heaven forbid – take a day off to hang out with friends, decorate the bathroom or get on top of that weeding.

But I’m here to say that we need to give ourselves a break.

There is no denying that if you’re going to do this thing – to get those words down, blogs posted, chapters finished, deadlines met – then you are going to have to put the time in and get your sh*t together, because nobody’s gonna do it for you, but you also have to cut yourself some slack.

You need to make time for writing – lots of time, let’s be honest about that – but you also need to be OK with having time when you don’t write. In fact, I think it’s a good idea to have time when you decide specifically not to do it. Book yourself in for a spot of relaxation, a nap, an episode or seven of Orange is the New Black and do it without a computer screen in front of you. It’ll do you and your words the world of good. Step away from the light.

For anybody who doesn’t write or have another all-consuming passion, this might sound mad. But, for me at least, the guilt is just part of the deal and it’s my job to manage it so that I can do it all whilst still, you know, leaving the house every now and then and maintaining relationships with actual human beings.

One of the ways round it – obviously – is to have a plan. Whenever I have a clear list of things that I can tick off when they’re done, I feel more able to give myself permission to put the laptop away and do something else – change that bed, go out for that dinner, or just sit and stare hard into that abyss – whatever I want; it’s my time and I’ve earnt it because I’ve made progress. Because that’s what this game is all about after all.

And we all know that even if we’re not actually writing, we’re still thinking about it. The ideas are ticking over, the jokes are formulating, and the words are starting to form into sentences that will be ready to fall out of our minds and onto the page as soon as we can get our hands on a notebook. So we never really truly stop.

So this is for you, fellow guilt enthusiasts. I feel your pain. But let’s ease off a bit shall we, give ourselves a break. That milkshake isn’t going to drink itself now, is it?

WELCOME TO MY NEW HOME!

28/06/2015 by Charlotte Leave a Comment

Hello and welcome to my brand new online abode.

It’s taken a little while – it turns out building a website, transferring 129 existing blog posts, editing them, adding photographs, generally dicking about and trying to get the internet to do what I say is quite hard work – but Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte has now officially moved over to WordPress (I used to use blogspot) and onto it’s very own URL – check me out, I’ve got my own dotcom! I think this internet thing could really catch on.

I have been wanting to do this ever since I went to the marvellous Blogcademy last year (which P.S I would strongly recommend to anybody interested in blogging, it is EXCELLENT) but it’s taken me a while to find the time and, to be honest, the guts.

I ran a little survey a couple of months ago, asking my faithful readers what they like about this blog, why, and what more they’d like to see. And I learnt two vital lessons:

1. First and foremost, people are in it for your voice: People decide whether they like you because of what you say and, crucially, the way you say it. I always thought that if I wasn’t writing about relationships and saying my usual sarcastic things about my husband’s inability to PICK UP HIS SH*T then I’d lose all my readers but it turns out that’s not the case. Sure, you want to hear a bit of that (and thank goodness for that – sarcasm is like air to me, without a steady daily dose of it, I fear I may just collapse), but new ideas are welcome too. And that’s very exciting. I will therefore, in addition to my normal observational bits on life and love and whatnot, also be sharing some travel stories, writing up some very amusing dating tales I’ve been told (not mine, I hasten to add. Not dating other people is, like, the first rule of marriage), and generally feeling free to dabble in a wider variety of topics and opinions. I may need to start getting up earlier to fit it all in.

2. People don’t just read your stuff because they like you: I did know this, of course, but it’s always good to be reminded. People are busy, so if they’re going to read a thing, it’s because they enjoy that thing, not just because it happens to have been written by somebody they know/chatted rubbish with once in a bar. It’s important that you don’t just write things because you think your friends will like them – write them because they’re what you want to say. Some people will like one particular post, others will like something different. As long as it’s all authentically you, you can’t go too far wrong.

This was a very useful process all round, and nowhere near as scary as I expected.

I am very excited for the next chapter in Nothing good’s life and hope very much that you will come along with me. If you’re new here, take a little look around, get a feel for the place and feel free to leave me a comment and let me know what you think. You can find out more about me and this blog right here.

And if you’re an old timer, well versed in the NGRWC vibe, THANKS SO MUCH for sticking around. Let me know what you think of the new look and I look forward to sharing more words with you in the days, weeks and months to come.

Strap in, friends. This is going to be FUN.

P.S – AN EXTRA BIG THANK YOU

I owe a huge THANK YOU to the marvellously talented Alasdair Wallace for creating my new blog logo, to the equally excellent Charlotte Mary Rose who took my profile pic, to several other dear friends who have been on hand to give me much needed website building-related advice, and, of course, to my husband, Leon, for allowing our recent trip to New York to double up as an unofficial blog photo shoot and for generally putting up with numerous html inspired tantrums. CHEERS GUYS, YOU’RE THE BEST. x

Will I ever stop feeling like a dick for trying to be funny? No. Never.

09/11/2014 by Charlotte 4 Comments

I spend an awful lot of time feeling like a bit of a dick.

If you say that you like my dress then I’ll make a joke about it being vintage because I haven’t been able to afford clothes since 2011 – HAHAHA. If you ask if I’ve lost weight then I’ll mock my inability to digest wheat. And if you acknowledge that I’ve dyed my hair, I’ll say “Well, you know, we’re married now, gotta keep things fresh!” even though I’m not really sure what that means.

And it would appear that I’m not the only one.

Yesterday I went, for the second year in a row, to Mumsnet’s annual Blogfest. You might remember me writing about it last year – it’s a day when (mostly) women come together to learn new things about writing and blogging, chat to each other, and hear from a line-up of speakers so brilliant that it’s worth getting out of bed on a Saturday morning at an hour normally only reserved for knocking back a couple of much needed post-Friday night ibuprofen. Nick Hornby, Tim Dowling, Suzanne Moore and Lucy Porter – to name just a few – were definitely worth the early alarm clock call.

Networking scares the hell out of me. Walking into rooms full of people I don’t know (except in some cases from their twitter avatar, but starting a conversation by telling people you’ve been ‘following’ them feels very creepy) and having to make conversation fills me with dread. And worse, I’d paid money to do it. On a Saturday! But you have to remember two things: 1. Most people don’t know anybody either and 2. It is completely worth it to speak to interesting people. (And secret option number 3. If it doesn’t work out, you can always just hide in the toilet. Though that seems a bit of a waste of £95.)

And I met some wonderful people. Endless interesting women who are all giving the whole blogging thing a bloody good go, often whilst also raising a child or two, holding down a job and managing to stay up to date with major TV box sets. It made my moans about not having enough time to get things done seem pretty pathetic. And I’m still seriously behind with Breaking Bad.

But it saddened me to see how much self-esteem was an issue for all of us. The fact that the round-table discussion on ‘Blogging and self-esteem’ was so oversubscribed spoke volumes. Dozens of us sat together and talked of fear of judgement when writing about personal things, nasty tales of trolling, and just wondering who the bloody hell we all thought we were for daring to put ourselves out there.

But the good news is that we all still do it. People spoke of comments they’d had from readers saying they’d found their writing really helpful, of using blogging to work through problems in their own lives, and also of all-important bloody mindedness and refusal to stop doing something we enjoy. I can’t be sure, but I think Beyoncé would have been really proud of us.

And even if you reach big time stardom it seems that the fear never goes away. ‘How to find your funny’ – a session on how to make people laugh through your writing – was chaired by Bryony Gordon and brought together Rebecca Front, Arabella Weir and Jon Ronson. All people I like and admire an embarrassing amount. It also introduced me to Kirsty Smith of Eeh Bah Mum and Elaine Miller of Gussie Grips – another two funny women to add to my list.

And though my heart was beating through my chest (I’m surprised they couldn’t hear it down the microphone) I asked a question about something that has been bothering me ever since I started this blog: Does the feeling that hits every time you write something and wait to see if anybody likes it or finds it funny – you know, when you just feel like a bit of a DICK – ever go away? And you know what? They said no. Absolutely not. You need that, they said – as soon as you think you’re great, you’re screwed.

And it really made me feel better. Every Sunday when I write something and hit publish I go into a spiral of self-doubt, regret, and bemusement as to why I put myself through this each week… So it’s good to know that even the greats have that feeling too. We have something in common. We’ll be best buds before the week is out, I’m sure of it.

And then Francesca Martinez, the marvellous comedian, actress and writer, spoke about self-confidence and self-image so well that I was at serious risk of smearing teary mascara all over my cheeks. She talked about realising that ‘normal’ doesn’t exist, that beauty and success are all social constructs created to disempower us, and reminded us that we have the power to control the way that we think about ourselves. If only I’d been to hear her speak when I was a teenager, I could have saved myself years of angst. That woman is an absolute inspiration. If you ever get the chance to go and see her, I recommend you take it.

Just like last year, this day has done me the world of good. It taught me things, it introduced me to lovely new chums and, more importantly, it made me feel a lot less alone in this little online world. It also showed me that self-esteem is something everybody battles with, whether writing about marriage and relationships and attempting to make jokes about eating too many crisps (that’s me for anyone that’s new here), or blogging about family or children or, in some cases, even post-labour incontinence. (Definitely not me. Yet.)

So now I shall hit publish and wait for the inevitable feeling of ‘dickhead’ to kick in. But it’s OK; I now know I’m in very good company.

The top 7 things I learnt at Blogcademy

21/07/2014 by Charlotte 6 Comments

I spent this weekend in Shoreditch. There’s a sentence I haven’t written before.

Yes, I left the house and the sofa and the lure of the Coronation Street omnibus (which I am very much looking forward to devouring later) to head out to blog school – AKA The Blogcademy – to learn how to make this little website of mine better.

I started this blog because I wanted somewhere to write and be creative (and to make fun of my other half for being DREADFUL at basic domestic duties. It’s a wonder it hasn’t torn us apart, to be honest). And now that it’s been going for a while and I’ve figured out how I like to write and that there are even some people out there who want to read it, it’s time to turn it into a more coherent, focused blog, rather than just a place where I come to have thoughts. I’ve basically been treating it like the bath until now.

So I went along to hang out with 40 or so fellow bloggers and to learn from the very impressive Shauna Haider, Kat Williams (of Rock n Roll Bride fame), and Gala Darling – team Blogcademy (pictured below with me. Like my ears?)

Charlotte-Buxton-Blogcademy-Kat-Williams-Gala-Darling-Shauna-Haider

And I learnt a lot; I mean A LOT. My hand hurts from writing so many notes, my brain hurts from spending two whole days paying attention, and my stomach hurts in advance of all the chocolate I’m inevitably going to eat whilst trying to get my blog up to scratch.

I could write a post 100 points long to share all the tips I picked up, but that would go against everything we learnt about the importance of being interesting and succinct. So instead I’ll just share the top seven things I’ve taken away from the weekend – and then I’ll have no excuse not to get cracking with putting it all in place…

1. Define your blog’s purpose.
This is something I have been dodging for a long time. If you’ve ever had a conversation with me about what this blog is about you’ll know that I am unable to express it quickly, if at all – or certainly not without flapping my arms a lot and saying “Well, it’s sort of meant to be funny – HAHAHA” in the hope that you’ll change the subject. This needs to change. When I actually sat down and thought about it (and strapped my arms to my sides to prevent the inevitable flapping) I decided that overall this blog is probably about relationships, what they realistically entail and laughing at and celebrating the mundane. As much as it might seem like it’s just about me taking every opportunity possible to mention how much I like Pringles, there is more to it than that, I promise.

2. Always write with a very specific reader in mind.
Of course! It’s so obvious! But how many of us actually do it? Not me. One of the most useful things Kat said is that your ideal reader might be you five years ago – i.e. somebody who can learn from you. In my case, five years ago, my husband and I had just moved in together and were learning how to cope with our differing habits (mine: complaining when the bin hasn’t been taken out; his: relentlessly failing to take the bin out). That girl might have liked what I write. Having said that, I know that a lot of the people who read this are either at similar stages in life to me or a little further on so perhaps it’s one of them I should keep in mind. My mum is also a big fan but there’s a chance she’s a little biased (not towards me, just towards the posts that mention her.) Either way, I think some market research is in order.

Drawings by the amazing @charlotteart (P.S I WANT those knickers)

3. People are interested in what you can do for them. Be helpful.
I’m sure you will agree I am currently nailing this one, sharing all my new found wisdom like this. But again – of course! This makes total sense, particularly when I think about my own posts which have been most popular. Relationships: Six ways to help keep things interesting remains my most read, shared and liked post of all time. And I think it might be because it was in some way useful; if only to remind people that there is somebody else out there who believes that Boots Advantage Card points are a reasonable topic of conversation. This has made me think a lot too about what we really mean by ‘helpful’. You don’t necessarily have to teach somebody something really profound (though I think you’ll agree my suggestion about serving snacks in nice bowls was pretty out there), you can just write something which people can relate to; that enables them to see a side of themselves represented. In short, I will admit that people leaving lights switched on in rooms they’re not in is annoying, so you don’t have to.

4. Come up with some regular features.
You have probably noticed that I blog once a week. This has kept me going until now but I need to do more. And the way to do this, I now know, is to come up with some regular features I can share on other days of the week. I’m not quite sure what they’re going to be yet (Marshmallow Monday sounds cool but what would it really be about?) but I think they’re an ace idea so I am going to give it a go. Perhaps an interview with other couples to see what their lives together are really like, or an attempt at a funny take on those often ridiculous relationship Q&As you get in newspapers? I think I could have quite a lot of fun with that.

5. Your blog is your brand. Like it or not.
Whether I am really planning for this blog to make me money I don’t know but this weekend taught me that either way, I need to treat it like a business with its own brand that readers immediately recognise. Sure, you might know what my face looks like thanks to the giant picture of it at the top of the page but that’s not really branding, more narcissism. So I need to do some work. And I find this part the most intimidating because I am not a designer and certainly not good at building websites (this current format took me a full day and LOTS of shouting to get in place). I need to change platform and I am also considering changing the name so that people can tell sooner what this whole thing is about. I love Nothing Good Rhymes with Charlotte but what does it tell you? (other than that I’m clearly hilarious). This is probably the hardest part so I will not be rushing into anything. And anyway, won’t I miss having EVERY person who reads this remind me that Scarlett rhymes with Charlotte? Actually, now I come to mention it, no I won’t.

6. Be organised.
It is so nice but so daunting to come away from an event with a to-do list the length of your house. But this is of course what you want from a course you’ve paid money for. So now I need to get on with it. I’m going to write down my goals, make a plan and get my sh*t together. I’m even going to tidy my desk to help make this happen. If you’ve seen my desk (or Post We Haven’t Bothered To Open In Two Years Mountain, as I like to call it) you’ll know this was no small task.

7. Ask people what they think.
Unsurprisingly the people who know that they like to read are your readers – DUH. And it’s time I started asking some questions – about the blog’s name, about the things I write that they like, that they don’t like, about whether it’s actually just me that finds jokes about bins funny… A little market research will do me and this the world of good. In fact, why not start now – if you have thoughts on what is good/great/bad/missing from/outrageously offensive about this blog, please tell me. Leave a comment, send me a tweet, leave a Facebook comment, come round to my house, sit me down and tell me how it is… whichever way you like, I would love to hear from you and to use what you think to help make this better. Just remember that if you do decide to come over, you need to bring some crisps. I’ve got some very fancy bowls I’d love you to see.

Thank you to team Blogcademy for a great weekend and to all the lovely blogger chums I met across the two days. I most definitely feel that I got SCHOOLED. Now the hard work really begins…