HER: What time is it?
HIM: Erm… 11.28.
HER: Excellent. We don’t have to get up for at least two more hours.
Saturday morning – Eight years into the relationship
HIM: You’re up early…
HER: It’s the weekend and I really don’t want to waste the day, and you know my back hurts if I stay in bed too long these days. And you didn’t fill the dishwasher before we came to bed last night and somebody has got to do it. And I want to put a clothes wash on before I got to the post office. There’s just so much to do!
HIM: I’ll get up.
Saturday lunchtime – One month in
HER: What do you want to have for lunch today?
HIM: Ooh I don’t mind – let’s go out somewhere new and exciting!
Saturday lunchtime – Eight years in
HIM: What shall we have for lunch? Shall we go out?
HER: Hmmm no, I planned for us to have mackerel today.
HIM: Ok, but I don’t really fancy that.
HER: Well, we’ll be completely off schedule if we don’t have it – I planned it that way 10 days ago when I put the grocery order together. You should have said then if you thought you wouldn’t fancy mackerel today!
HIM: Mackerel it is.
Saturday evening – One month in
HIM: Let’s try that new bar you told me about tonight and stay out until god-knows-o’clock.
Saturday evening – Eight years in
HER: Let’s stay in tonight and watch a film. I hate other people.
HIM: Me too.
HER: And I could really do with getting another load of washing on too.
HIM: On a Saturday night?
HER: Yes on a Saturday night – imagine the sense of achievement we’ll feel when it’s all clean and we know we did it whilst everybody else was out standing in queues and dodging pools of sick.
HIM: …Ok… you do that and I’ll get the sweets.
Saturday night, bedtime – One month in
HIM: It’s 4 o’clock in morning and I’m not even tired yet!
HER: Me neither! Shall we get chips and cheese and then walk two miles home and discuss how ace we both are?
HIM: YES – let’s do that immediately!
Saturday night, bedtime – Eight years in
HIM: Charlotte? Charlotte? CHARLOTTE?
HER: Bleurgh…. what?!
HIM: It’s half eleven. You slept through the whole film again. Shall we go up to bed?
HER: Hmmmnoooohmmmmm, I want to stay here.
HIM: Ok, well I’m going up.
HER: Hey, don’t go without me! Why would you leave me down here on my own?!
Saturday night, lights out – One month in
HER: The room’s spinning!
HIM: I know. Let’s just close our eyes and hopefully it’ll stop.
HER: It’s not working!
Saturday night, lights out – Eight years in
HIM: Honey, come to bed.
HER: I’m just completing my facial routine; you don’t want to marry somebody who doesn’t have a nice clean face do you? And then I’ve just got to check that all the doors and windows are locked, that the hobs are off and that you’ve remembered to unplug the iron – somebody has got to look after this house!
… (20 minutes later)
HIM: Can you please stop touching every part of the house and get into bed?
HER: *sighs* OK.
*climbs into bed* Night night.
HER: Did you put the dishwasher on?
HIM: *deep breath*
I’ll do it in the morning.