The sunshine brings out the best in most people. We’re happier, more energetic and just delighted to no longer need a scarf after seven months of winter. Yes, it’s finally fine to lose the 80-deniers and the 25 layers of vest tops, long sleeved tops, jumpers, hoodies, coats, hats and gloves and throw on a summer dress or even, dare I say it, a pair of shorts.
So long had it been since the sun last came out that I had forgotten the downside of the summer months. On the first day of extreme heat a woman ahead of me walking into town was greeted by a passing truck with not one but two loud beeps of the horn in response, I presume, to the short skirt she had chosen to wear. After jumping clean out of my skin I turned round to see where all the noise was coming from and saw two men leaning out of their window like dogs over a sausage – open mouthed and drooling.
And the next day it was my turn. It was 26 degrees and too hot to even move without becoming immediately dehydrated. No sooner had my summer-appropriate dress and I left the house than we had become the next victims of drive-by hooting.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not attempting to claim that I can’t even leave the house without someone almost crashing their car because I’m so beautiful. Let’s be honest, a beep of the horn is not an indication of beauty – it’s the most basic animal-like response to the sight of human flesh there is, and no more. It’s the equivalent of a dog barking at a moving object. It’s moving so surely the dog should either eat it or hump it, right? I mean yeah sure, the dog and the item have never met, and the item hasn’t actually done nothing to demonstrate any interest in this animal’s attention except go about its daily business, but a dog’s a dog I suppose.
So you’ll see that I am actually comparing myself – at best – to a generic moving dog treat, so you’ll need to direct any hate mail you had planned elsewhere.
This knee jerk caveman style reaction to the slightest hint of skin is the least enjoyable part of the summer. What are we supposed to do when this happens? Feel pleased that our flesh has received the toot it deserves? Call our parents as the father of their future grandchildren has finally been found? Or, more likely, carry on walking, confused and embarrassed about being brought down to such a basic level by a complete stranger.
I am most definitely not tarring all driving licence owning men with the same brush. Most people just get on with their lives and are hopefully too busy concentrating on the road/their next meeting/which song they should listen to to notice who is going by. It seems that maybe the others – the ones that evolution forgot – just live under a rock until the sun comes out, and then come bounding out in search of the closest moving being to howl at.
The truth is that it’s just not flattering. It’s back to basics animal instincts which one should really be able to keep under control, especially when in charge of a moving vehicle. If they thought about it, and I mean really thought about it, they’d realise that what we wear actually has nothing whatsoever to do with them. Yes, ok, a fitted dress is there because we want to look nice and possibly also attractive to the opposite sex, but gaping tongues out of car windows and hooting horns isn’t really what we had in mind. It makes us feel cheap and nasty and like we should just go home, put on a cardigan, and wait for the Autumn.
And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.