I did mine today and, as a result, can confirm that my youth is officially over.
This is not because my wardrobe is filled with pop socks, nighties and blouses, although of course all do feature, but it’s certainly no Tammy Girl up there either. (That’s where all the young people shop, right?)
As a woman of 28, I can tell you that our late twenties mark a turning point when it comes to clothes. Our priorities and shopping habits have changed a lot since our happy-go-lucky, what-does-it-matter-if-people-can-see-a-bit-of-butt days.
When I went through my wardrobe today, aside from being a little embarrassed by just how many garments a human being can own (it’s not a number I ever learnt to count up to), I noticed a number of things about my clothes that confirm I am no longer as young as I was:
1. I own very few skirts or dresses that I could get away with wearing without leggings. If I did and there was a gust of wind, I could cause a solar eclipse.
2. I now notice when things have gone ‘bobbly’ (but have absolutely no idea how to stop it happening).
3. Most of my ‘going out tops’ have now been demoted to ‘work tops’.
4. A large section of my wardrobe is dedicated to ‘Dresses to wear to weddings’. I considered rebranding them as ‘Party dresses’ but that would misrepresent my social life.
5. The number of jackets I own has gone up dramatically in the last two years. I’d like to say it’s because my look has got sharper but it’s actually just part of my on-going Breeze Defence Campaign.
6. At some point very soon, I am going to need another cardigan shelf.
7. I have a collection of clothes I only wear when on holiday, extremely hot, and there is absolutely no risk of seeing anybody in the vicinity again. e.g. boob tubes, extra short-shorts, and dresses that would be deemed indecent anywhere but the beach.
8. I am keeping hold of the all-glitter dress I wore to my hen do as a reminder that there was once a point in my life when it was appropriate to wear such a thing. I’m sure I won’t believe it in ten years’ time.
9. The only reason I have kept some pieces of clothing is because they are a size 6 and I can still do them up. Whether I can walk or sit down in them is a different matter.
10. I own five pairs of skinny jeans but I can only get them on by jumping up and down on the spot. If this wasn’t my only source of exercise, I’d bin them all.
It’s probably best to have a wardrobe that matches my age.
The alternative is to fill it with crop-tops (which seem have to reappeared from the nineties) or spend the rest of the year prancing around in playsuits pretending to be young when all I can think about it how chilly I’ll get when I have to take the entire thing off to go to the toilet. It’s best to embrace who you are.
And in my case, that’s a grown up; one with a lot of coats, even more cardigans, and enough leggings to hide a thousand sins.
If I can just figure out how to stop them going bobbly, my transformation will be complete.