ON WRITING

La La Land: Seven lessons you learn when following your dreams

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20170114_150307I don’t always love musicals. I tend to want everyone in them to calm down. But not this time. I loved everything about La La Land: the singing, the dancing, the romance, and ohmyword the soundtrack. (For those in pursuit of joy: it’s on Spotify).

I also loved that this is a film about following your dreams, the ridiculousness involved with putting yourself out there, and the compromises you have to make to get what you want (granted with more dancing than I’d considered incorporating before, but maybe it’d help?).

It’s funny, one moment you’re laughing in the face of inspirational quotes, clicking away from articles offering career advice, and declaring war on anybody who talks about being ‘meant’ to do a particular job, and then all of a sudden you’re every single one of those guys rolled into one. I blame age – it makes the need to enjoy your life feel so much more pressing.

Whatever your aim – mine is writing for a living – you learn a lot whilst trying to make it happen. So for anyone considering chasing a dream, here are some of the lessons I’ve learnt so far, and I’m sure there will be plenty more to come…

1.You have to learn to SAY it.

What do you say when somebody asks what you do? Or when they ask how the writing/comedy/acting/photography is going? Perhaps you’re more naturally confident than I am, in which case GOOD KEEP THAT UP, but if not, you have to find the courage to answer this question properly.

On the inside I’m absolutely obsessed with writing, with being published, with coming up with new ideas, and with getting better at it. But because there are so many people doing it, and so many versions of what ‘good’ looks like, I’m afraid of looking like a fraud or somebody pursuing a pipe dream. BUT what I’ve learnt is this: a) I’m not either of those things and b) Even if you feel that way, you have to learn to act like you don’t. People won’t give you work or recommend you if you’re too afraid to even say what you want, and you won’t feel confident enough to try if you don’t hear it from your own mouth. And anyway, the more you speak to people, the more ideas you’ll get, so you need to do it. People are asking how it’s going because they’re interested, so take a deep breath and have the chat.

2. A ‘Yes’ strategy is a good place to start

You never know where opportunities are going to lead you, so when you’re starting out and you don’t have any or much work, saying yes to what comes your way isn’t a bad strategy. Of course, there are caveats here – make sure it’s something you want to do, that you’re happy with the money, and that you have the space and time to do it. I just mean that it doesn’t have to be precisely what you want to do in the long term from the start, as the experience will still come in handy. At worst, it’ll teach you what you don’t want which is also a useful lesson.

20170102_1046023. Someone in the crowd could be the one you need to know

Yep, I’ve had that song in my head for days and now you will too. Meeting people, speaking to strangers on the phone, and generally going out into the world and saying “You don’t know me but here’s my heart and soul, want to buy it?” is a necessary part of trying to build a business or a career for yourself. Do not be afraid of this. It is 100% worth it and often fun. And anyway, there is simply no way around it; the odds of somebody coming round to your house out of nowhere and offering to pay you to write/act/tell jokes/sing songs for them is very low, and to be honest I’d be very wary of anybody who does.

4. Compromise is very much part of the deal

Films don’t document people working on Sundays when everyone else is out eating roast dinners or walking dogs; nor do they show people hunched over their laptops, typing away into the night because they have a deadline that they couldn’t hit during the day because they have another job. But this can be the reality of dream chasing. It certainly is for the writers among us. I would describe myself as ‘In a serious relationship’ with my desk, my laptop, and about 45 different Moleskine notebooks. It’s OK, they’re all fine with it.

There’s glamour and joy to be had, for sure – a byline, a pay cheque, your face on TV – but most of the time it’s just me, a blanket, my computer and all the empty packets from snacks I’ve inhaled. I’m happy with that, but I appreciate it wouldn’t be for everyone.

5. Patient friends and family are everything

There’s a bit in La La Land where Sebastian drives to Mia’s house and insists on taking her to an audition because he believes in her. These are the kinds of people we need in our lives. People who won’t get cross when we have to opt out of going to a party because we have a deadline, but who will instead make us a drink before they go – because not only do they understand our life goals, but they also take hydration seriously.

6. You have to learn when to rest 

Why didn’t you go on holiday last year, Charlotte?

Oh because I was too busy chasing my dreams.

And what are your dreams exactly?

To write for a living so that I can travel and enjoy my free time on my terms.

Right…

Breaks matter. They matter to your health because life is tiring, they matter to your relationships because to have them you need to actually spend time with people, and they matter to your work because you can only create great things if you look after yourself. So you need to get good at figuring out when to work and when to rest. As I discovered early on, if you just wait until you fall over to realise you need to stop, you’re leaving it too late.

7. Comparing yourself to others is NOT helpful

I’ve written about this lots of times before (and most recently in this post), but it needs reiterating to remind myself and anybody else who spends too much time online. It is healthy to look at somebody who has done something you would also like to do and think “How can I learn from them?”, it is not healthy to think “I am a failure because this has happened to them and not to me.” Do you see the distinction? Good, now paint it on your bedroom wall or your phone screen. None of us has enough time to waste worrying about why we’re not somebody else. We’ve got much more important sh*t to do than that.

20 extremely useful writing tips from great writers

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NotebooksLast night I went to an event run by Grazia called ‘Overcome your creative barriers’ – because don’t we all need help with that. A group of wonderful writers – Jessie Burton, Bryony Gordon, Bridget Minamore, Laura Jane Williams and Elizabeth Day – offered their advice on how to get around the many challenges we all face when just trying to get words on the page.

It was great and, as ever, I wanted to pass on some of the tips and very reassuring words of wisdom I brought home. Hope you find them useful!

1. Just write one true sentence. And then write another. And another.

2. Women are often afraid to take up space – be it in real life or online. Don’t be.

3. You need to find the right balance between self-criticism and self-awareness. You need to be honest about your work, but don’t hold yourself back.

4. Exam-style success does not transfer to creativity – it’s not possible to write something perfect. It doesn’t work like that.

5. If you give yourself to your work it doesn’t matter what anyone else says because you’ve done what you can do.

6. Remember: It took Beyoncé 15 years and six albums to produce the practically flawless Lemonade. It’s a process for everyone, so don’t feel bad about what you’re doing now, feel proud of it.

7. There is not always a direct correlation between social media, readers and success.

8. … but the online community can be an amazing source of work, ideas, audiences, pals…. etc. Some people wouldn’t have their careers without it.

9. Writing is a great way to resolve the unresolved – you often don’t know how you really feel about something until you write it down.

10. “I don’t really do it for pleasure, I do it because I have to” – I related to this so much.

11. “I’m happiest when I’m in the writing – it’s getting myself to the act of writing [which is the hard part]” – YEP.

12. You have to be very, very, very determined to do it. You have to find the time otherwise you will never do it. The secret to writing is writing.

13. If you have a day when you can’t write, at least read.

14. (When writing about yourself) Be fearlessly unapologetically you.

15. Give yourself your own deadlines.

16. Learn all the words to Don’t rain on my parade by Barbara Streisand – it’s not your mistake to make, it’s mine, and I’m going to have a great time trying.

17. The words are not going to come out like you think they’re going to come out. But that’s OK. That’s what editing is for. Give yourself permission for it to be rubbish. A first draft is supposed to suck.

18. (On finding writing difficult) If you were driving into a wall, you wouldn’t keep just driving at the wall, you’d back up. So back up, and see why it’s not working.

19. Play classical music to help you focus. Or listen to something EPIC like a film soundtrack to make you feel that what you’re doing is really important.

20. If you’re struggling to write, find something in the process that brings you joy – be it sentence structure or language or dialogue –  find something that makes you feel happy.

Life advice: Stop trying to do everything at once

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Be happyThis week I finally realised that it’s OK to admit that you’re not capable of doing absolutely everything at once.

This is not a radical discovery but, in a world where relentless multitasking is a way of life, acceptance of this fact does feel like one.

If you’re anything like me, the only way that you will come to accept that you’re not a failure because you can’t manage to be in 55 places, achieving 307 things at once, is if somebody else says it to you.

Sit with a friend or a family member and list all of the things you’re currently achieving, everything you’d still like to do, and then berate yourself for being lazy because you aren’t managing to do it all. Now take a look at their face. They will shake their head. They may even laugh at the absurdity of what you’re saying. And then they’ll look you in the eye and tell you to calm down. You’re doing plenty, they’ll say, have a bloody lie down.

You need to decide what your priorities are, and then to give yourself permission to do those things without feeling bad about it. It doesn’t mean you can’t do additional stuff too, just that the bulk of your time, energy, thought, money – whatever – goes in that direction and you don’t beat yourself up for it. You don’t waste brain space feeling inadequate.

My current number one and two are: freelance writing – doing the work I have, and finding more; and, as soon as we get our sh*t together, attempting to find somewhere new to live in London. I will be doing plenty of other stuff too – eating, sleeping, going to work, eating nectarines over the sink, setting aside time to make incomprehensible notes that might one day turn into a story, consuming passionfruit margaritas, talking to strangers who definitely didn’t ask to hear about my baby nephew… oh, and maintaining relationships with my husband/family/friends/Coronation Street – but these are the life goals that I need to be making most progress with right now.

One of the most useful things I’ve learnt since becoming an adult, working person, is that if you attempt to do too many things in one go, you’ll either end up getting nothing done, or you’ll do all of them badly. Focus is everybody’s best friend; I just wish she’d come round more often than her pals Distraction, Procrastination, and I Wonder What Everybody’s Up To On Facebook? We just have to be strict with ourselves. As I’ve written before, if I didn’t have my egg timer, I don’t know how I’d get anything done.

Even more powerful than not physically attempting to do it all, is giving yourself the mental freedom to stop the internal dialogue that tells you that you’re failing. That voice that says, well yes, maybe you are doing this piece of work, and meeting this deadline, and fitting in some quality time with your loved ones, but how can you enjoy yourself knowing that you haven’t also written a best-selling novel? How can you let yourself have a holiday when you could be auditioning Hollywood actors for the film adaptation of your memoir? OH YEAH YOU HAVEN’T WRITTEN ONE YET – UNPACK YOUR SUITCASE AND GET BACK TO YOUR DESK.

My opinion is this: if you’ve already got so much on your plate, why would you add self-criticism to your to-do list too? This is all about being realistic, and chucking in a couple of hours a day to berate yourself because you’re not Wonder Woman is the precise opposite of that.

So let’s be a little bit kinder to ourselves, shall we?

Great. Well, that’s my allotted hour of creativity done for the day, now onto the next thing. But not before I’ve had a little rest. A girl can only do so much, you know.

Emerald Street Literary Festival: 8 writing tips from great female writers

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IMG-20160530-WA0017Another weekend, another lovely event about writing, and another blog post to tell you what I learnt.

This time it was the Emerald Street Literary Festival in London. After a hard week and yet another mighty migraine doing its best to keep me indoors, I was very close to just bailing all together and staying at home in the dark. I am so glad I didn’t. The very first session was a panel chat between writers Kate Mosse, Cynthia Bond, Elizabeth McKenzie and Lisa McInerney. And it was lovely.

They talked about the Baileys Women’s Prize for Fiction (which Lisa just won), about the importance of female spaces in literature, and about writing in general. It was exactly what I needed. I burst into tears at one point. Partly because I was exhausted, and partly because it was just so nice to hear such reassuring words from such successful authors.

So that I remember them forever, and others can benefit too, I’ve written down the range of tips they shared.

1.If a story has made its way into your mind and your heart, it’s your responsibility to tell that story – It certainly feels that way. The compulsion to write doesn’t come from wanting to write just anything, it’s about needing to write what you have to say. About not being able to feel comfortable until it’s out there. And now that I know that it’s my responsibility to do it, well, what choice do I have?!

2. If it helps, pretend nobody will ever read it – If you’re nervous about writing exactly what you have to say, pretend you’re just doing it for you. That’ll set you free to write what you want to write, and then, when it’s all down on the page, you can tackle the idea of somebody else actually reading it.

3. If you’re going to have work published, either get a thick skin or crumble – If you want people to read your work, you need to know that some people will love it and some people will not. So you either have to suck that up, or prepare to break. I have only ever received one round of nasty comments on this blog and I will remember it for the rest of my life – but if they thought it was going to stop me writing, they were wrong.

4. Stop feeling guilty for writing, it’s what you’re supposed to be doing – This is the one that made me cry. Lisa McInerney said that if she could go back in time, this is what she would say to herself. It really meant a lot to hear it. I feel guilty when I’m writing and not being sociable or fun or doing my washing. And I feel guilty when I’m not writing because I’m tired or need a break or am suddenly empty of ideas. I think I cried because I felt like I was being given permission to stop feeling this way. Absolutely nobody I care about has ever suggested that I should feel guilty – I’ve made it up all by myself – so this is where that ends.

5. If you want to actually finish writing something, you have to develop a talent for keeping your butt in a chair – So obvious and yet so difficult. I’m excellent at this when a new series of Orange is the New Black is released (FRIDAY!), or there’s a bag of chocolate covered raisins that need my attention, but when I have writing to do, all of a sudden I want to move around. I’m walking back and forth to the fridge, I’m tidying my underwear drawer, and I’m changing the bed – like anybody ever actually wants to do that. As I’ve written before, setting an egg timer is the only thing that can keep me at my desk for a useful period of time. But if you have any other tips I would love to hear them.

6. Imagine your future self walking by and saying KEEP GOING – I like this idea. The only person you really have to answer to is yourself anyway and I can’t imagine, whatever happens in the future, that I’ll ever wish I’d just never bothered trying. I shall now spend my procrastination time imagining my future self popping by for a spot of cheerleading time. Anything that drags me away from the fridge has got to be worth a try…

7. There are times when things will seem hopeless and you’ll think WHY AM I DOING THIS but you can make it work. Trust in that – When I think about it, I know that I have never not been able to find a way to write a sentence that I was struggling with (ironically, this particular sentence took me ages). It might have taken me hours, a few temper tantrums, and a hell of a lot of Cadbury’s but I’ve got there. And yet every time I come up against something tricky, I forget this and commence meltdown. Remember this, friends: everybody struggles. You just have to decide whether you want it enough to make it work, in which case you’ll just need to keep trying until it’s done. (I suggest having the odd scream into a pillow to help you along the way).

8. The quality of a book is about the stuff that isn’t in it, not the stuff that is – Well, thank goodness for that. I am in the very very very early stages of attempting to write some fiction and I already know that if it’s going to be any good at all, most of the stuff I have written so far is going to have to go in the bin. But it sounds like that’s how it starts for everyone so I feel a lot better about it now. And I’m also applying Tip 2 to my writing process at the moment anyway so seeing as nobody’s ever going to read it, I really don’t need to worry…

On getting older and making CHOICES

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IMG_6378When I sit down to write this blog, I rarely know what I’m going to talk about until I start typing.

I tend to perch myself on the edge of the sofa, thus adding an element of drama to proceedings, turn over all the things I’ve been thinking and talking about in my mind, and then start writing about one of them. (I realise you didn’t necessarily ask about my writing process, but I’ve been enjoying the My Writing Day series in the Guardian so much that I just couldn’t help myself).

And today, that process made me realise that the subject of most relevance to me right now is the variety of CHOICES we make as we get older. So here’s some thoughts on that:

When Wednesday rolls around and I have special, dedicated time for doing my freelance writing thing, the whole day is about choice. Who will I pitch to? Which idea is worth pursuing? Will I let myself be distracted by the pile of hand-washing that suddenly looks so appealing now that I’m supposed to be doing work? Or will I chase the dollar and get to 6pm before realising I haven’t breathed an ounce of fresh air (or as fresh as London can offer) since yesterday? So many choices and so little time. I spend hours wondering if I’m making the right decisions, as I’m sure we all do.

On a related note, I’ve come to realise how helpful it is when editors choose to spend a few seconds sending a response to a pitch to let you know that it’s not quite right. Nobody likes to be rejected but it’s still so much more helpful than silence. I can tick them off on my list, move on, and try to do better next time. I know that people are busy – and that lots of editors receive so many emails each day that responding is just not feasible – but when you spend your day seemingly sending emails into the abyss, it’s good to feel acknowledged, and hopefully one step closer to getting it right.

Our time is precious and choosing who we spend it with is a serious decision. Sometimes we choose to fight for more time with a person, and sometimes we decide to step away because, for whatever reason, the relationship just isn’t giving us what we need. My new rule is: if it feels like someone is stealing your time rather than giving you the gift of theirs, it’s time to make a change.

This week I chose to take Facebook off my phone. It was making me feel anxious and stressed and constantly in demand and I didn’t like it. Even though the little red notifications were rarely aimed at me personally, I felt that if I didn’t click right now to see what was going on, I’d be missing out or being disorganised in some way. I haven’t ‘left’ Facebook – chill out – I’ve just left it on my laptop for looking at when I want to, rather than carrying it around in my hand all the time. And I feel a lot better for it.

I like writing on here about my life, the lessons I’ve learnt, the things I find interesting, and I like sharing tips and advice that I can only hope someone will find useful. Whether you write for a living or for fun, you have to make a choice about what you will and won’t share. Whenever I come to this blog, I think through the unwritten policies that decide what I write about. For example, I want you to feel like you know me but not so well that I may as well have hung my laundry around your lounge. I want you to know that I’m human without making myself too vulnerable. I want to talk about my marriage without sharing so much that I somehow bring it to an end. It’s nice to have a place where I make the rules – and where I can choose to break them any time I like.

For the last week or so I’ve been getting up just a little bit earlier than usual to start writing some fiction. I don’t really know how to do that (but does anyone before they try?) so I’ve just been sitting down with a pen and my idea and seeing where it takes me. I do about 20 minutes a day whilst still wearing my pyjamas and with my husband sound asleep upstairs and each session gets me about two or three pages of words. Not words I’d like anyone to read right now, mind – my goodness no – but it’s a start. I realised that if I wanted to try, I needed to choose to find more hours in the day. It turns out they are there if you’re willing to respond to a slightly earlier alarm.

It’s very much acknowledged now that we’re a bit older that we have to build time into our lives to do nothing. To choose to have days when we class ourselves as being busy, but what we mean is that we’ll be busy doing nothing. Looking after ourselves. Managing our mental health. Eating our way through our second bag of Wispa Bites. Whatever. This time is ours. Please don’t come round.

We’re about to go on holiday and I’m choosing – as much as possible – to have an internet free time. I want to look at Florence, not my phone. I want to scroll through lists of gelato flavours, not pictures of other people’s lattes. And I want to talk to my husband face-to-face, rather than typing away about idontevenknowwhat on a device that I’m becoming more and more sure is trying to kill me. I choose to have some time off, and I can’t bloody wait.

My egg timer is my best friend – 9 lessons all writers learn

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Do what you love I’ve been pretty busy. I’ve been working a lot, I’ve been writing a lot and, as a result, I haven’t been blogging so much because, well, I’m not a machine.

I don’t like it when I don’t have time to throw some words down on here. Writing this blog helps keep me in touch with whatever readership I’ve managed to build (HI MUM!) and it also keeps my thoughts in order.

When I haven’t written a post for a while I get nervous – that I’ll have forgotten how to do it, that my creative ability will have disappeared never to return, and that when I do write something, my readers will respond like a cat that’s been left alone for the day – dismissive, cold, and off out the back door to see what somebody more loyal has got to offer them before I’ve even had the chance to explain or pour out some milk.

But I guess this is an inevitable consequence of gradually getting more writing work and, aside from the unfortunate neglect of Nothing good rhymes with Charlotte enthusiasts, it’s something I’m starting to feel good about. Baby steps are still steps, dear friends.

You might remember that a few months ago I wrote a little piece about the things you have to do when starting out as a freelance writer. I stand by them all and now have even more lessons to add to the list.

1. Your egg timer is your best friend. No, really: We don’t go for cocktails together or discuss our boy problems, but my egg timer and I might as well, considering the amount of time we spend together. If I want to get anything done, I have to set my egg timer for 20 minutes, half an hour, or an hour to force me to concentrate. While that clock is ticking, I am not allowed to dick around on Twitter, feel inadequate whilst looking at Facebook, or scroll through Instagram and wonder why I fail to live my entire life against a perfect white backdrop. No, I have to work. And when the timer dings, I am allowed to go to the toilet, make a drink, and then sit the hell down and start again. This is what discipline looks like in the modern world and I don’t know what I’d do without it.

2. You have to do the work whenever it comes: As somebody who has spent almost every Sunday during the last five years strapped to a laptop, I am used to handing some of my weekend over to work. I have made a life choice which requires such behaviour. But as my writing work has very gradually started to grow, I’ve had to give up more than the occasional Sunday. You do the work whenever it needs to be done – whether that means the evening, early mornings, or an entire weekend. It’s a little tough to get your head around at first but when you’re trying to build something of your own, there’s really no other way to do it, especially when you still have a day job most of the week, as I do. But the fact that it belongs to you means you won’t really mind at all. You’ll just be a bit tired and consume more snacks than you ever thought possible.

She generally gave herself very good advice3. Say yes and say it quickly: It’s extremely annoying when people tell you that success is often down to being in the right place at the right time. It’s even more annoying when they tell you that it’s also all about who you know. But they’re right. You’ve got to leap the moment you see something come up, otherwise somebody else will get in there first. You’ve got to tell the people you know what you’re trying to do so that maybe one day they’ll employ you to do it for them, or recommend you to somebody else. Just like when my mum told me that if I ate a whole bag of Cadbury’s chocolate buttons before I went to bed I’d get a stomach ache, it turns out people only say these things because they’re true.

4. …except to requests for you to write for free: Being asked to work for free is just part of the writing game these days unfortunately. When you’re at the very start of your career there is real value in taking all the opportunities that come your way – like any industry, everybody needs work experience – but then comes the moment when you realise you’ve done your time, you know what you’re doing, and you’re in this to make a living. Getting there felt bold but good and I won’t be turning back.

5. You have to be single-minded: I have to completely ignore my husband a lot of the time. He has become used to sitting in the house with a woman who speaks only to request a drink, ask if there are any Muller Crunch Corner yogurts left in the fridge, and to request that he please turn Better Call Saul down as she’s trying to concentrate. This was not included in our wedding vows. But then neither was the promise that being married to a lawyer would mean I could no longer enjoy legal dramas without constant reminders that they’re simply not realistic. We all have to make sacrifices. I am very grateful for the constant, unquestioning support I receive and without which attempting to follow my dreams would be a lot harder. From the looks of things, he is also grateful for the unlimited X-Box time that my pursuits enable him to incorporate into a weekend.

6. Repetitive strain happens: I reached peak First World Problem after a solid weekend of tapping away on my Mac when I realised I’d developed a repetitive strain injury throughout my right arm. My hand became a claw, my arm a solid block of ache, and my shoulders were so tight I think even the most skilled masseuse would have struggled to make a dent. I recommend learning how to operate a mouse with both your hands to avoid such injuries.

7. If you have to, buy yourself a rest: When you work for yourself and your house is your office, it can be a little tricky to switch off. Technically, you could always be doing some work, writing a pitch, or editing whatever nonsense made its way into your notebook that day. But that way lies exhaustion, tetchiness, and an all round rubbish house partner. You need to stop. And if that means paying to access your local spa, or for a train ticket to your mum’s house where she will speak to you like she used to when you tried to stay up beyond 10pm on a school night if you so much as look at a laptop screen, then so be it.

If you have to, buy yourself a rest8. Telling somebody about an idea makes you feel accountable to them – and that’s a good thing: Like most people, I have lots of ideas every day. Some of them are creative and useful, and the rest could all be listed under the heading ‘Meals to which I could legitimately add cheese’.  I’ve had a couple of ideas for longer form pieces of writing I’d like to do for a while but have been too scared to start. But then I told my husband and a couple of friends about them and now I feel like I have to give them a go because they’re going to ask me for an update and I do not like to let people down. If you don’t have a deadline created by an editor or an agent, I recommend making some up and getting people you like to hold you to them. If they’re real friends, they won’t stand for it when you try and use ‘being seriously behind with Coronation Street’ as an excuse for not having done any writing.

9. Rest assured, there is value in what you’re doing. As I’ve mentioned before, Wednesday is my most precious writing day. I experience a mix of emotions every week – sometimes I’m excited to get going on a project or to look around for work, and on others I sit staring out of the window and wonder what ever possessed me to spend my life in this way. This week started with a familiar bout of melancholy (not helped by having to dedicate half the day to filling in my tax return *twitches*) so I decided to start by listening to this recording of a speech by the author A.L Kennedy on the importance of the arts and writing and the difference it can make to people’s lives. It’s really quite amazing and gave me all the motivation I needed to get going. Because of course there is value in what we have to say and in expressing ourselves through our words.

Sometimes it helps to be reminded of that.

Life lessons from Bridget Christie: Write about the things you care about

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20160207_121956-1-1I’m a huge fan of Bridget Christie. I wrote in my 2015 round-up that her book A Book For Her was the best thing I read last year, and I think it’s actually one of the best things I’ve ever read. It’s very funny and it taught me a lot about feminism. I devoured it like one might a bag of crisps after a long walk. I just couldn’t get enough.

As I said in one of my last posts (about what Tina Fey’s book Bossypants taught me about how she and Amy Poehler avoid worrying about what other people think), it means so much to have role models who talk about how they have found a way to get to where they want to be. I’ve reached a stage in my life where I can’t get enough of hearing how other people do it. Strange, isn’t it, how when we no longer have to learn, we suddenly want to do as much learning as possible.

Bridget Christie has been on the comedy circuit for years. She used to, as she puts it, dress up ‘as dead kings and insects and plagues and fire and things like that’. Then, just when she was thinking about giving up on the whole comedy thing, she decided, for her final hurrah, to write a show about a topic she’s genuinely interested in: feminism. And, much to her surprise, it changed everything. She won the 2013 Foster’s Edinburgh Comedy Award for her show A Bic For Her and the rest, as they say, is history.

I went to see her most recent stand-up show – also called A Book For Her – at the weekend and it reminded me of what following her success has taught me.

This is a woman who has done really well because she’s extremely talented and hilarious, but also because she had the guts to write and to talk about what matters to her (and what should matter to everyone).

20160206_115021We’re all better at our work when we focus on something that interests us. It’s obvious – the more we care about something, the more of ourselves we’re going to put into it. And the more of our heart we put in, the better we’ll be at encouraging other people to be interested in it too.

As I talked about not so long ago, I’m starting out as a freelance writer. I am trying to make my way in a sector which is already seriously oversubscribed and I find it extremely overwhelming. Wednesdays are my assigned writing days (although I obviously do it more frequently than that and think about it ALL the time) and I have regular dips where I wonder what on earth I think I’m doing, who I think I am, and why I’m even bothering because CLEARLY THERE ISN’T ROOM FOR ME.

Now, this voice is not to be listened to – it’s just the sound of imposter syndrome which most of us experience every day one way or another. So to try and avoid it, when I’m struggling to know where to put myself, I go back to my list of things that I am most interested in. The things that I like writing about, that I know about, and where I really have something to offer. And from there, well, the ideas gradually start to come. It’s very much a work in progress, but it’s a starting point, and we all need one of those.

Of course, it’s not possible to just work on things you’re most interested in all the time – girl gotta get paid, yo. You also need to keep an open mind because you never know which new things you come across might make it onto your list. I’ve found myself writing about topics which I might not have previously thought would be my bag that have then turned out to be something I’ve loved looking into.

But when things are quiet on the work front, or when you have some spare time, it’s good to do a bit of writing just for the love of it about whatever it is that you want to talk about. Because that way is sure to lie some of your best work and you just never know where it might take you.

Who knows it could be an award winning stand-up show or an amazing book. Or it could just be a blog post that your mum is kind enough to read. Either way, you’re bound to have some of your happiest hours just getting it onto the page.

I’m always looking for my next source of inspiration to join Bridget, Amy and Tina (sure, we’re on first-name terms) on my list of go-to people for a spot of reassurance that even the very best of writers have their struggles. So if there’s anybody whose words and tales you find particularly helpful, please leave me a comment/send me a tweet/carrier pigeon and let me know.  

6 things you have to do when starting out as a freelance writer

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IMG_7114Friends, I’ve gone part-time.

I’ve been talking about doing this for so long. I wanted to have just one day to myself every week that I could dedicate to writing, to building a little freelance world for myself, to focusing on the work I already have, to pitching for some more, and to working on some creative projects too.

And now I have it. In many ways I am living the dream. That is, if your dream is to spend a day each week suffering from imposter syndrome and looking at the sky and hoping that all of the work you could possibly dream of will just fall out of it and then crying as you realise that life doesn’t work like that.

Until recently I did all of this on Sundays. I wouldn’t allow myself to leave the house (except perhaps to pop out for a milkshake because I have NEEDS) and it started getting a bit unhealthy (the strawberry shakes may have had something to do with that). I didn’t let myself rest or really enjoy myself and I’d wake up on a Monday feeling like I’d been out raving all night, when in fact I’d just been staring at a computer screen all day.

But then I realised that perhaps there was another way. That I could still work and be part of a team (I’m a comms manager/copywriter type person the other four days of the week), write, and have a life by changing my working life a little. I am delighted that it’s been possible so now Wednesdays belong to me. I still need and want to write at the weekend and at other times too, but things are a bit more balanced now which is lovely.

I opted for Wednesday on the basis that people I email would hopefully be more likely to engage with what I send than they might be closer to the weekend, and also because Tuesday – formerly the absolute worst day of the week – now has a slight feeling of Friday about it (although I keep that to myself because sentences like that just make people hate you).

So now I am figuring out how to get the most from my day. I’ve had just three of these precious Wednesdays so far and even in that short time I have learnt a few things that I realise are essential for this freelancing game. Should you be interested in a similar lifestyle, here are six crucial things I recommend doing:

1.GET UP

It is not the weekend. You are not on holiday. You will not be paid for a single second of this day unless you find yourself some work. In fact, a lot of the time you will make a loss because you will inevitably go to Starbucks and buy a dense chocolate brownie in the hope that the answer to all your prayers is hidden inside it. Spoiler: it isn’t but they are delicious.

2.GET DRESSED

If you’re anything like me then you will at least feel a bit more like a serious person if you’re wearing actual clothes and maybe even a bra. We both know that you don’t have to do this. You could stay in your pyjamas all day but if you do that it’s going to make it much more awkward when you…

3.LEAVE THE HOUSE 

Go out. Go sit in a cafe and write emails. Or write notes. Or have thoughts. Or read something. Or go for a walk. You are running your own thing. Be free to do that thing in the best way and place that suits you. Let your brain breathe. Feel good about this opportunity. Smile at a dog or a baby. And then come back home before it gets dark and use that refreshed mind to KEEP GETTING THINGS DONE.

4.SEND THAT EMAIL. SEND ALL OF THE EMAILS.

Nobody is going to reply to your email if you don’t send it in the first place. That’s kind of the way correspondence works. The same goes for your tweet, letter, phone call or carrier pigeon. It’s frightening – SO frightening – but literally nothing will happen if you don’t do it. Nobody will know you exist. So have a good think, write down some words, have a little walk to the fridge, read it again, and then HIT SEND. (And do this about a billion times).

5.PUT YOUR BLOODY PHONE DOWN

WhatsApp is fun, yes, but it can wait. Yes I know you want to tell your mate Sarah how sweet you look in your new hi-top trainers but such words are not going to get you any dollar, are they? (I am telling myself off here. I did this today. I was right, they look ace, but I should have been WORKING NOT FANNYING ABOUT). Do not seek out distraction. Do not consider today the ideal opportunity to do a Facebook cull or to attach amusing photos to each of your phone contacts. Do that tomorrow on the train like a normal person.

6.WRITE 

If you’re a writer then you need to write things. Make time to do something creative. Yes, you need to email people and pitch and put yourself out there but you will be all the better at it if you keep writing creative, fun things and reminding yourself why you wanted to do all of this in the first place. It’ll also help you maintain the will to live when nobody is replying to you, which is important.

So yeah, I’m learning.

And I’m scared as hell because it feels like a very bold thing to admit that you are trying to do something. But, as mentioned above, there’s no other way.

If you have any tips I should add to my list, please do send them to me. I’d love to have another reason to be utterly distracted from what I’m supposed to be doing…

A love letter to Desert Island Discs

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I love Desert Island Discs with all my heart. And if that means I’m getting old, then I bloody love being old.

Desert Island Discs really helped me out a few months ago. I was going through a particularly anxious time and happened to be travelling on a train with my brother. In a quiet bid to help me out and calm me down, he popped his headphones on me, and hooked me up with a podcast from the DID archives. And after a few minutes, and for the first time in what felt like a long time, I started to feel calm. And ever since then, it has been my go-to whenever I need to breathe. If you find yourself in a similar state of mind, I really recommend giving it a listen.

For anybody who isn’t familiar with the format – firstly, you are MISSING OUT – Desert Island Discs is a BBC Radio 4 programme, hosted by Kirsty Young (owner of the world’s most soothing voice and one of the best interview styles in town) which sees a different guest invited on each time to talk through the eight tracks they would take with them to a desert island. If you can listen to it without thinking about what your own choices would be then you’re much better at controlling your day dreaming than I am.

And aside from being calming, I also find it hugely inspiring. The guest list is filled with actors, comedians, songwriters, journalists, entrepreneurs – an endless stream of people to learn from, admire, and glean some new musical knowledge from too. So many of the people interviewed are creative in one way or another, that I often sit listening to it whilst in the bath (BONUS TIP: for maximum calming add a sweet smelling bath bomb, a candle and absolutely no appointments for at least an hour) and think about how I can try to channel their wisdom.

And as it’s one of the rules of being on the internet that when you experience something inspiring, you should share it, I thought I’d write down just a few of my favourite quotes I’ve heard on the show so far. I’m only part way through the back catalogue so I’ve undoubtedly got a lot more blog content to come…

“There has to be a certain kind of truth in everything that you write. If it’s true to you, it’s going to be true to someone else.” Noel Gallagher

“My self-esteem is intact because I have made sure it’s intact. I know I will make a good life for myself with all sorts of armour.” Dawn French

“The best piece of advice [my dad’s] ever given me if that there’s no such thing as can’t. There’s only one thing you can’t do – and that is stick your bum out of your bedroom window, run downstairs into the garden and throw stones at it. Everything else is achievable.” Sarah Millican

“I reserve the right to change my mind and to have a different opinion from one day to the next.” Lily Allen

“No matter how insecure I may be, there’s a part of me that says if I stay relaxed, I can achieve anything. It’s not true but it’s a wonderful trick to have as part of your armour.” Tony Robinson (quoted by Kirsty from a previous interview)

“People always used to say you need something to fall back on but I would always see that as contemplating failure. I really had no other. There was nothing else.” James Corden on wanting to become an actor.

“You are gonna have to meet your career half way. You’re gonna have to really show people you’ve got something to say.” James Corden

“… because also: here comes the reaper. Don’t, when that moment comes, say ‘Wait, hold on a minute, no! I’ve not watched the last Godfather!’ Be aware that this is it.” Russell Brand

“It’s no-one’s responsibility but yours to make your business work. Surround yourself with people who believe you can, not you can’t. And you need to fail as well as succeed. Great business people are not born, they’re made. And not all of us are gonna go on and build global brands. You might be a business that employs two people – make sure those two people are happy.” Jo Malone

“The wonderful thing about being with a partner and sharing your life with someone is that you can look back when you’re older and talk about the past. The best thing about life is sharing it – otherwise it’s of no importance.” Steve McQueen

See what I mean? It’s just such a great programme.

You can find the archive here, friends. Enjoy and let me know your favourites. Believe me, it’ll be a long list.

How creative people react to other people’s great ideas

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the emotional stages of witnessing a great idea

I went to see Inside Out, the latest Pixar film, this weekend and it blew my mind.

This isn’t a film review – there are plenty of those out there already – but suffice it to say that it’s excellent. It’s an incredibly clever idea, perfectly executed (for anyone who isn’t aware of it, it’s an animation about an 11 year old girl who moves to San Francisco with her parents and how her emotions – Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness – help her deal with her new life. It’s just brilliant). They had me at the mention of Amy Poehler and Mindy Kaling. I mean, you just know it’s going to be good if they’re involved.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the concept of a great idea and how we creative folk react in the face of one; specifically when it belongs to somebody else.

There are a series of feelings involved – curiosity, fascination, interest, inspiration – but also, if we’re honest, a touch of envy, a dose of self-doubt and, if we’re not careful, an unhealthy chunk of OH GOD I’M JUST USELESS, NONE OF MY IDEAS ARE EVEN A TEENY TINY BIT AS GOOD AS THIS, I MAY AS WELL JUST QUIT AND LIVE IN A HOLE.

Now firstly, this is symptomatic of being a creative type – we do tend to be a little on the dramatic and emotional side, it’s just part of the deal. To anybody who lives with a creative person, the best way to deal with a tantrum or momentary meltdown about the pointlessness of existence or YET ANOTHER discussion about why they’re still not Banksy/J. K. Rowling/Lena Dunham/Kevin Spacey/Oprah Winfrey (delete as appropriate according to field of interest), is by giving them a biscuit, putting them in the bath and reminding them gently that they just need to pull themselves together and KEEP GOING. Seriously, is there anything that a soak and a snack can’t fix?

Because another element of this creative sensibility is that we tend to be quite hard on ourselves – again, much like any ambitious folk – beating ourselves up because we are making progress but not at the lightning rate that we’d like, and because sometimes we have to sleep and eat meals and brush our hair and whatever which means we can’t be working all of the time. When are we going get that eighth day in the week that we’ve been promised for so long?

The world we live in can make us feel like we’re just not getting there fast enough. The internet slaps us about the face every second with what everybody else has been doing and in most ways it’s great – we get to read all of the things, marvel at the incredible ideas people have, and ponder where they all came from – and I personally wouldn’t have it any other way. But the level of information and self-promotion we see every moment can play on our anxieties too, so we need to manage how we interact with what we’re seeing and make sure our minds remain focused on being inspired rather than threatened.

Because if we deal with what we’re seeing in the right way, it can be so good for us. There’s nothing like seeing somebody doing something fantastic to drive you on to do something fantastic too. Every good thing you see has happened because somebody had the guts to do it, the energy to put in all the hard work, and the balls to call the right person and get them to say yes. And there’s no reason why you can’t do the same thing.

Every moment you spend having a meltdown you could be using to pen your own piece of genius. I mean, sure, a tantrum might earn you a biscuit, but a little focus and perspective could earn you, like, an Oscar or something. And that victory will taste better than any snack ever could.