1. You learn you can fit your head into any size sink
The first rule of fringe club is that you must NEVER TALK ABOUT FRINGE CLUB (mainly because people will think you’re a loser). And the second rule of fringe club is that a fringe generally needs to be washed every day. They’re just so needy. But what if you don’t want to wash all of your hair? What if you’ve got better things to do, like pair up your socks, oil your zips, or just have an extra half hour in bed? Well, then you’ve no choice but to stick that thing under a tap. I may not be able to do a forward roll, touch my toes, or stand up without saying “Ooh, me back” but when it comes to fitting my head into a sink; I’m as flexible as they come.
2. You’re always just one night’s sleep away from looking like an eighties throwback
Regardless of how much you blow dry, straighten or talk nicely to your fringe during the day, as soon as you get into bed, that thing is out of your control. No matter what I do, every day when I wake up my fringe is a good three inches above my forehead, making my look like a scarecrow that has spent the last eight hours flat on its face. If a bunch of crows every decides to try and burgle our house in the middle of the night, they are in for a very nasty surprise.
3. People treat you like a hero (sort of)
“I just couldn’t do what you do,” they say, when beholding your new fringe, as if you’ve adopted a rare, endangered animal as a pet or given up chocolate forever. “How are you planning to look after that thing AND hold down a full time job?” They look at you and shake their head, baffled as to how you manage to fit it all in. Sometimes I wonder myself.
4. You can hide a world of sins beneath a fringe
Shiny forehead? Eyebrows in need of attention? Rasher of bacon you want to save for your elevenses? No worries! A good fringe will hide every single one of those bad boys (though the bacon will start to slip down after an hour or so). However, what you can’t hide is the variety of other unexpected treats a fringe will collect during the day – mascara from the morning make-up dash, hot chocolate foam, bits of sandwich… You’ve really got to keep your wits about you.
5. You learn the hard way that, no; you shouldn’t try and trim it yourself
Put. The. Scissors. Down. Yes, I know it’s getting in your eyes and that you can’t see and that you’re starting to look like Cousin Itt from The Addams Family but do not try and cut that thing yourself. Take it from someone who wasn’t given such wise advice, had a go and spent the next two weeks looking like a three year old. You have been warned.